Monday marked two months since my sister left my side. It’s incredible, incomprehensible that it can possibly have been this long. I often feel as though I can just pick up my phone and call her.
It doesn’t hurt as much when I remember why I can’t call her, but the pain is still pretty dominant when it comes. it’s not something I can simply brush off or ignore.
I did not forget Monday’s date, or it’s importance, I’ve been occupied with worry over my step mother. her dad is dying, and it is obvious that she is super upset about it but trying to be strong. I’ve never met her father, my pain is in knowing what it is like to lose a parent. I’m not sure how to help her in this, so I am just doing my best to be there for her.
How often does a person worry? A normal, well balanced person i mean? Do most people in their early thirty’s look at ads for wrinkle creams with interest? Do I worry too much? I know that just in the past four days, three different people have told me on some variation or the otehr that i worry too much.
I understand that I am a glass half empty person, and that being a pessimist is rather normal, but maybe I do worry too much? I tend to worry about things both big and small, and a lot of the things I worry about are things that I have no control over, like my stepmother and how she is dealing with the imminent loss of her dad, but still I can’t stop worrying.
is there a point where I have to stop and say this is too much and see professional help, OR, am i just nitpicking and looking for more things to worry about just so that i have a ready supply of things to dwell on?
When Sheri Died, we were all very thankful that we had gathered as a family just days beforehand. But that wasn’t enough for any of us. We decided that we needed to make sure we were spending way more time together as a family simply becuase you NEVER know.
In fact, today (July 4) Marks the one year anniversary of my father’s heart attacks!
Very sadly, we did not step up to the plate as a family and begin spending quality time together after hes very close call.
So, my back is sunburned, I am more tired than I have been in a damn sight, but we did it. we all got our schedules aligned and we went out, together as a family, and spent time together.
Other than my sunburn, the only thing that marred the trip was the drunk idiots. Both nights, the idiots drunk and pissing on the road, lit up with pendant lights and tossing beer bottles like paper airplanes, kept the entire campground awake until the wee wee hours of the morning. I’m talking 5 am here, people.
Anyway. I’m off to bed, a very early night indeed!
I have an appointment on July 7th to get another prescription for Chantix.
I’m going to try to quit smoking again.
I considered trying the patch, but I couldn’t find coupons available in Canada for them.
I love coupons online.
Take a href=”http://www.ebillme.com/shop/”>buy.com coupons for example. I can say “Hey, I need an external hard drive (and boy do i ever need one), log on, and chances are, I’m gonna find a coupon for what i am looking for.
Ive also found that when shopping online if I take the time to contact the store and ask if there are promo codes available, they will send me one.
Coupons save money, plain and simple.
But, like I said, I couldn’t find the patch coupons for Canadian usage, so i am going to try champix again. it worked well the first time, I was shocked at the total lack of cravings I had with it!
Wish me luck, Yo.
Today, I decided to wear jewelry. I normally don’t wear even my wedding rings. My fingers tend to swell up and then the rings get painful on me.
But today, I wanted to be pretty, and also, I have some of my sister’s jewelry now, and i wanted to feel close to her. None of it has any certified diamonds, but its all very pretty.
I feel especially good about wearing her daughters pride ring. She got it when she was 16 and it is the piece she had the longest. It has her birthstone, august, as well as my parents, may, so it is very green, and green is not my favorite color by far, but all the same, I feel good wearing it.
I touch it often
We spent the day before Father’s day at my dads house. The boys made him drawings and cards, but I wasn’t smart enough to plan ahead and buy him a card. I always forget.
I didn’t ask him if he was gonna be OK, this being the first fathers day without Sheri, I figured it might not be any of my business, plus, if he wasn’t OK, I was unsure how I would deal with the news.
We went through the last of my sisters belongings. Mostly clothing, 90% of which is to be donated to a woman’s shelter or the thrift store, a few toys, and her jewelry.
In this last load of belongings was her big fluffy red housecoat that Micah and I bought her for Christmas. I kept that for myself. Right now, it is way too hot to wear it, but I like to imagine myself in it next winter, all fuzzy and warm, like a big hug from her.
The boys made Micah little knickknacks at school, a coffee mug, a board game and a personalized Frisbee, and I got him an interactive drums tee shirt from Think Geek. We spent the day doing *almost* dickshitall, I made some banana loaves – the mini kind, for camping, and Micah set up the tent in the backyard and let the sprinkler “rain” on it so we could test it’s waterproofness.
It was an OK kinda day.
One more week of school and my boys are home with me full time. I am looking forward to it more than I can possibly explain.
