Exhibit B : Hub’s Socks

Exhibit C : Stuperman’s Socks

In conclusion : I WIN!

I fully expect that scientific journalists and parenting magazines will be knocking on my door to interview me any minute!

Are you trying to either speed up or slow down the coming holiday season with no success? With our new, soon to be patented miracle cure, we can make all your worries disapear. Simply overdose on this :

Cuteness. Overload. (*)

Fine print goes here

Cuteness Overload is not a registered trademark of Bluepaintred enterprises, nor is it soon to be patented. The fruit of my loins, looking cute enough to roast on a stick, however is a registered trademark of Egg&Sperm™ Productions. The moment he starts making enough money off his almost edible cuteness to buy me the audio racks I have been bugging Hubs about, mark my word, his ™ will be lazer’d off his chubby behind before you can blink and I will sell him to the highest bidder!

 :cry:

Today, December 15th, 2007, ten days before Christmas, Something big Happened at Casa Del Bluepaintred.

Sigh.

Let me back up a wee tiny bit. This morning Hubs and I went into the city! Awesome! 25 feet visibility! Fog And Snow! Yay! (We had shopping to do or no one was eating!) Along the way we stopped in at a gaming store and bought Ratchet and Clank and Sonic with some silver sonic dude for The Boys to give to Hubs for Christmas.

Hubs has been practicing his surprised face all afternoon.

When we got home, and the children returned from their sleepover at Nana and Papa’s I told them to go to my room so I could show them what I had bought for them to give Daddy. With the older ones in my room, Stuperman yelled I’M DOOOONE and just like that, I had a butt to wipe.

Walking back into my room, I could not help but notice the speed that Rainbow Man moved away from my closet. The closet holding all the gifts. You know. The ones from Santa. The ones in their distinctive Santa Wrapping Paper.

Sigh.

BlueBoy, who had been looking out my window while RM snooped, was sent out of the room, and Hubs was called in.

And thus, Ten days before Christmas, I made my son cry by explaining that there was no Santa. I feel we had no choice but to tell him. It was either explain the secret, or have him say “But. I saw that in your closet!” on Christmas Morning, and have him ruin the younger boys naivety.

But it still Sucks.

Here we have a note to Rainbow man from Santa. Please note the X’s and O’s and the festive red and green writing.

And Blue Boy, again, a personal note from the jolly man, X’s and O’s added Plus a few HoHoHo’s added to ensure BB knows he is on the good list.

And the final damning piece of evidence is Stupermans letter. Please Pay Attention. No festive red and green pen, but plain black. No personalized note. Its obvious that Stuperman has been a very naughty boy and will be receiving only coal in his stocking three days hence.

Yea. LOL. Well it would have been funny had the oldest boy not noticed the difference and become convinced santa hated his brother so he wouldn’t like Santa either!

This year we decided to do away with the tradition of writing to Santa. And I DO mean tradition, Me and my siblings wrote to Santa every year too! We decided it would be easier to get rid of the Santa letters than to deal with the questions afterwards.

I wish I knew earlier in the season that there is a website, letters from Santa, where you can personalize the letter to your child and have sent – from Santa! Maybe next year. Cus honestly? I could have a lot of fun “personalizing” those letters! ( No more peeing the bed or else mister!!) (Don’t hit your brother) (Stop picking the dogs nose!!)

Pee Ess: I gave out my first ever Perfect Post Award. Click here or here for details.

Six weeks ago he started getting fevers, three or four a week, they were accompanied with a headache.

A children’s Tylenol had him back to normal in a matter of hours. No worries, just a summer bug. (Ha! I made a funny. Oh wait. Keep reading then come back and giggle with me!)

Then he started drinking. And drinking more. Unfortunately he can’t open beer bottles on his own so I was always up and down and up and down getting him glass upon glass upon glass of water.

You have no idea how much water I am talking about. The kid was always thirsty.

Being inherently lazy, this annoyed me rather than concerned me. Then I complained to my Granny who told me I had to take Logan in for a blood test. Diabetes runs rampant in our family.

Logan scored a four on the finger poke – which is good. And something called hemoglobin(sp?) was 128 – which is perfect. So. No diabetes. (yay!)

Still the doctor wanted to know why he has been getting fevers and headaches, and of course all those glasses of water, so Logan had blood drawn -

Now. I will preface this with a He Will Be Fine. He is a healthy three year old with no auto immunity disorders. (Whatever those are, the doctor said those words and they sound all high tech and smart so I wanted to use them too! I suppose now I’ve ruined the looking SMRT part, eh?)

Logan has West Nile Virus.

Here are some highlights.

He got awesome gifts which were immediately all given the name “MINE! DON’T TOUCH DAT!!1!”

Seconds after I stopped taping this:

He said “I will get it!” and grabbed the candle out of the cake. It had a pool of melted wax on its top and he spilled it along his neck and hand. He did NOT get burnt! Not even a red mark!

• The candle, a number three, like the two and one before it, has been used on Stuperman’s two older brother’s cakes as well. I still have the number’s one and two in my freezer and three will join them after it has been washed, even though there will be no more babies to use it. Maybe the kids wont mind using them when they are teens?? Should I save them for my grandkids? Do normal people save candles for something that may or may not happen in the next twenty to thirty years?

He got a set of Superman Motion Activated Gloves. Whenever he had them on his voice and posture changed. He would bend the “steel” bar that came with the set and pretend like it was really hard. His face looked like he was taking a crap and he would groan “I’m using my man muscles“. I am planning on taping him tomorrow!

He went to bed with every gift he got. Each one had to have a pillow and a blanket. And a kiss. This was rather difficult to do. The finding of pillows not the kissing!

On another note, for those of you who blogline Paint! I’d like to apologize for the increase of posts. Fab tuned me into a new Paid Blogging company, Smorty. Sorry I’m such a blog whore. But think of it this way, Paid blogging bought me these today!

So, when I finished Blue Boys cross stitch, I got out the patterns for Stuperman And Rainbow man. ThenI decided I could not do them because Stuperman was eight months old in the pattern, and RM was 5 years old. They had changed a LOT in the past two years. (Blue boy hasn’t really changed)

I took a few pics and then emailed Ree from Confessions of a Pioneer Woman and asked her if she would work her photoshop magic on the boys’ pictures. Boy is she good! I highly recommend stopping in at Confessions of a Pioneer Woman, if only for this post!*

Here are the before and after pictures. Way.Too Cool.

So, Ree, If you are reading this;

It should also be noted that Rainbow Man has a video up on his blog. He asked me to tape him while he talks about his hair and earings…uhm yea. Don’t look at me that way, I’m just his mom!

* On the advice of my lawyer (who is really just a monkee dressed up in a suit, and charges WAY too much) I offer this disclaimer to the above link : WARNING: this link is not for the faint of heart. much sugar and ymmy goodness waits beyond your click. Not safe for bloggers with diabetes or diets. Please, click at your own risk!

“I do it aww bah MYTELF!!”

” I Luuubb youhh“

“One two three four six nine”

These are things little boys say. Not my baby. Never him. It seems I forgot he was supposed to grow up. I really did. I spent no time picturing him off to his first day at school or with a car, a girlfriend, children of his own.

He was just my baby. All mine.

And I lost him.

Today I had a shower. I do it often, and nothing bad has ever happened in the entire history of me having showers. Today, Just like he always does, Stuperman wanted in the shower with me. He wanted to use his bear soap and splash at the drops in the air. He wanted me to pick him up and let the water fall on his back. He was still a baby then.

It happened so suddenly. I had no warning at all. Both my arms were tangled up in my hair and that’s when I felt it. A tiny hand had tentatively reached out and touched my vagina. I jumped back and looked down at his poor confused face. Shock.

“Mommy your nekked is broked“

Aww FUCK! He finally noticed that boys and girls aren’t built the same. He is a boy. I am a girl. And we are different from one another in an intrinsic way.

This Utopian stage in our life is over now. He’s not the same innocent baby who knows nothing other then what we show him. Now he’s a little boy. A person capable of learning and coming to his own conclusions about himself and the world he lives in. So fast. So.Damn.Fast.

Soon he will be a man, and the next naked woman he sees should be rightfully lying beside him..hopefully with a ring on her finger.