A few times this week I have turned my computer off to go to bed only to find it on when I wake up. I know I turned it off becuase I do so every night, so please don’t suggest I forgot.
This morning my computer was not only on, but whoever had turned it on had forgotten to log out of yahoo messenger.
Here is what I read:
SmokieTehBandit: So as I was saying last night, if you just continue the whining, eventually they will get tired of it and let you out!
SamsonsDelihlah: Nope. My human is one hard ass case Bandit. No treats after seven, No chewing on the books, No eating Sam’s homework, always make potty outside - thats the worse one of all!
SamsonsDelihlah: And it’s really cold here! I cant take it anymore, Bandit! I think tonight I am going to kill all the left socks I can find!
SmokieTehBandit: Lah. I think it’s time you faced the truth. You need to get out of there. What are they going to do to you next? Shave you bald??
SamsonsDelihlah: Oh Bandit! You don’t think they would…. would they? Even they aren’t that bad…right?
SmokieTehBandit: How cold was it?? Hmmm? Think about it Lah, thats all I’m asking. There’s room in my kennel if you need it.
SamsonsDelihlah: But. It’s twelve hours away BY CAR Bandit! My legs are four inches long! That would take me years!
SmokieTehBandit: Don’t worry about it. I’ll get you some cash, you can get a bus tic- gotta go the humans are up!
And just a few minutes ago I found Smokie stealthily pawing through my purse only to cock her head to the side pretending innocence when I asked her what the hell she was doing.
SamsonsDelilah is Shelli’s new puppy. Should I warn her?
I am not a religious person. I fully believe that when I die, My body will rot in a little box and eventually turn to dust. While residing on this side of the dirt, I believe in myself, My friends and my family ~ and thats it.. While I can accept, and even some days envy, that other people believe in a higher being, I do not.
My Husband on the other hand does believe that there is something better waiting out there. He has waited for a long time to get to that place and today, at 6:23 PM he finally got there.
I have known that this day was coming for the past three years. He has talked about it (and talked and talked and talked) and I have suffered through listening to him talk about it. I shared my computer so he could satisfy his curiosity about this wondrous being with the help of Google and Yahoo.
Of all the places for it to happen, the last place I expected to lose him at was Wal*Mart. I love Wal*mart with their low prices and freaky shoppers. I now I feel somewhat betrayed By the way they aided in his loss - not enough, though, that this will stop me from continuing my love affair with their crowded isles and dirty bathrooms.
Some people say they are Football widows and Hockey widows - I have even heard the term Golf Widows, But at least those are seasonal events.
Today, at 6:23 PM, I lost my husband to his brand new PlayStation Three.
I already miss him
War.
It started over a Caterpillar.
The line was drawn and there was no turning back.
My troops moved into Iceland, Scandinavia and Great Britain. We sent small detachments to Eastern Australia, Japan and China. The guys were excited. They had never been to so many exotic places.
Our Base Camp was stationed in South America. Nice weather. We lost a few of the younger guys to Malaria early on and Billy choked on a tree frog, but my troops were tough. They forged on. With the Borders of Brazil and Venezuela heavily fortified, We attacked Central America.
The Battle was won quickly; their forces were small, and high on Cocaine.
Leaving a large garrison of men in Brazil, Our generals decided, unanimously, to attack the Eastern United states. We suffered heavy casualties, but in the end, justice prevailed.
Rejuvenated by their victory, Our troops moved in on The western half of the United States.
From across the world we heard news that the opposing forces now held Australia, Europe and Africa. It was daunting news, but the troops held strong. Except Johnny. He’s always been high strung.
The enemy attacked us at dawn and our losses were great. Upon learning that Our European troops had been defeated, we retreated to South America.
One Hundred and seven men stood strong. The last line of defense against tyranny.
The Bastard controlled the rest of the world with an plastic fist.
______
He strategized, he said as he shook his head, “You have to have a plan of attack, you can’t just put your men on random countries and hope for the best.”
“But..It looked cuter that way..”
______
Logic has no place in a board game.
In about an hour, sundown will come. In the darkness, people in hundreds and thousands of cities and towns will gather around parks lakes and rivers. Swatting mosquitoes and wincing from sunburns they will wait, Eyes trained on the sky.
A sudden pop and the people will cheer.
Depending on each communities budget, the fireworks show will last any where from ten minutes to hours.
And it is all for me.
Little paper Canadian flags on little wooden sticks given out to all the children who pass? To celebrate the Country of my birth. A million Canadian flag and maple leaf temporary tattoos will be handed out and pasted on tiny arms and tummies. Some will paste them on their cheeks, to better remind them as they look in the mirror, the reason they celebrate.
Me.
I know this because my daddy told me so.
I was very young. This is my Oldest Memory. We were visiting my grandparents and were standing at the banks of the lake, waiting with so many others. He held me in his arms so I could see better. The noise bothered me and I wanted to go home.
But, whispering in my ear he told me this was how the entire Country told me Happy Birthday. He told me that it was for me they had cakes and balloons and parades and face painting, that the whole of Canada loved me so much, they wanted to be sure my birthday, July 2, came in with a blast. Would my daddy lie to me? I think not!
Thanks Canada, I love you too!
Happy Birthday To Me
Thank You :
Blogarita: even though it was a jack of diamonds, a card is a card!
Shelli: You remembered Hoops and YoYo are my favorite!
Mr.Fab &
Avitable : You both got together to pick the same card?
LOLNotAGranny: Learning Linkage one day, sending E cards the next. You’re fast!
MetalMom: Two cards! Coolness - I’m loved!
Finn: The Kids and I really enjoyed the skydiving candle!
Twisted Cinderella: that was cool, That was a fun Card to play!
Shelia: It might not have been an E-Card, but you put my face on your blog, so thanks!
Sans: George Bush? That was odd. Funny. But odd. I
did have fun with the sex one!
Jen: I’m in your sidebar! Thanks!
Monkee: Fiestas are fun, but siestas are better
LOL!
Webmiztris: I had trouble opening my “package” so I just licked the screen!
RoxDar;
Catch; Coffee Mom;
Tug; Squirrel;
NYCWD
Pee ess: Don’t fucking forget, bluepaintred at gmail dot com. I WANT E-Birthday cards dammit! You have till midnight July second. I do have hit men waiting in the wings for those of you who can’t be bothered to push a few freaking buttons and send me some goddamn birthday lovin’!
He woke up at eight thirty. It’s the day I’ve been waiting for all week.
Report Card Day.
He walks into the kitchen, still blurry from sleep.
“Oh honey! Thank God! We thought you were going to sleep forever! We were so worried!” I hug him close.
Huh? He asks, scratching his head.
“Sweetheart,” I pause. “You’ve been asleep for two months. You have school today! You need to shower and eat and get going or you are going to be late!”
What? His eyes grow large. What do you mean? School is out. You said So!
“That was two months ago, you’ve been asleep for two months.”
He looks around. The couches have been moved. But..what about camping? I had a dream..
“We took you with us. You slept the whole time! We even took you to the hospital to see if they could wake you up..”
His eyes are glistening. For a minute, I reconsider. Then I remember all the pranks he has ruined in the last month just by being old enough to know better.
“I’m sorry Rainbow Man, but you need to get in the shower and get ready for school.”
He goes to the shower. Blue Boy wakes up. I quickly brief him on whats going on.
I’m pouring cheerios in a bowl when he returns. Blue Boy! What day is it?
Uhm? is it Tuesday? I don’t know my days yet. I get to go to school now, and learn them.
I smirk. Perfection.
But mom! How can I sleep all summer? How? I would have starved! It’s not school time. You’re lying!
“Phone Nana.” I say, ” She’ll tell you.”
He calls. She asks him if he wants a ride to school. I am close to peeing myself.
Sandals on, hair combed, he reaches for the door handle. His shoulders are drooping, feet dragging, and his eyes are wet with tears.
“Oh, and Rainbow Man, When you get your report card, be sure to hurry home. We’re going to the park today!”
He growls, then smiles, suddenly understanding.
This is the prank he has been watching for all week.
