I showed him the “see through” monitor. He thought it was funny until I Told him I must have broken the computer. Now he *sob* can’t play his kindergarten games. My bad.
(no really, I made him cry!)
∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 02.04.2008
∗ Blue Boy, I'm a Dumbass, Pictures, Pranks, Therapy Bills
∗ Comments (20)
Alternative titles could be : My kids are Assholes or They learned from the best
This morning, thinking ahead to the fact I would need a few hours without my contacts in to give my poor burning eyes a break, I dressed my children in Brightly colored shirts. One red, one blue and one yellow. This way, even without clear vision I would know who was doing what.
I’m SMRT like that.
But little jackasses stole my contacts - which means they moved them six inches to the right and covered them with a face cloth - and switched shirts with each other while I was napping.
Not so fun, really, when the shoe is on the other foot.
∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 01.27.2008
∗ I'm a Dumbass, Pranks, boys
∗ Comments (23)
“Mom. How come when Smokey has her collar on, her hair poofs up?”
” ‘Cus her mane is growing in. We told you all about that.”
“Her mane?”
“Yea. Just like a lion… And when it is fully grown in, she will be all lion. Then she will eat deers, antelopes, people, that kind of thing”
“….. . . .really??!”
“Yes. We told you all of this. wait. Let me show you a picture”
“See. This dog’s mane is fully grown so she is all lion now.”
“But. She isn’t big enough to be a lion.”
“Well no, they don’t turn into lions. They just think they are lions and start acting like them. The dog in the picture didn’t turn yellow did it?”
” No. But…. will she really eat us?”
“Not if she can’t catch you. In the summer time we will start to train -”
“We’re gonna train her to not to eat us?”
“No, we’re going to start training you guys to run faster. If she can’t catch you sooner or later she will give up. Besides, her mane has just started to grow in, so you have lots of time to train. I wouldn’t worry too much over it.”
Kids are SO trusting.
∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 01.25.2008
∗ I'm a Dumbass, Pranks, Puppy, Rainbow Man, Therapy Bills, confused
∗ Comments (10)
**Please note - there is an important note, a serious note, from me to you, at the bottom of this post.**
Please recall this post. On a very slow Friday night it seemed like an awesome idea. But in reality? Not so much.
Now, if you read my other blogs , Paint! and Where Was I? you will already know that I have been very excited about my new mailing address. Prior to Monday we had to go into town and pick up our mail at the post office. As of Monday, however, Our mail has been reassigned to a standing in the street looking very cold mailbox thingy.
As in across the street. As in I can check the mail sixty times a day if I damn well want. As in SEND ME MAIL.
So. Today I had the chore of calling six million and eight places to change my mailing address. I could have left it as it was ~ I don’t really like bills ~ but sometimes cool stuff comes in the mail*.
AhhhhhNYway.
This is a (very small) sample of the type of the conversations I had today.
Me: So the new address is two oh seven.
Dumb Twat: *typing sounds* oh no. The system is not allowing me to put letters in this field. Your address has to be all numbers.
Me: It is. Two-Oh-Seven
Dumb Twat: So what I am having problems with is typing the Oh into the field. Are you sure this is your address
Me: *Sigh* Oh as in zero.
Dumb Twat: *typing sounds* Ok then! Your address has been changed to show 207 dash oh. Was that everything?
Me: *banging head on table*
Me: V
Very good Engrish Speaker : D?
Me: V as in Vowel
Very god engrish Speaker: Hokay. B as in bowel.
Me: Nooo. Veee as in vice
Very Good Engrish Speaker: hokay. B has een bowel follow by da D like ina dice.
Me: *head explodes*
It just kept ketting worse. The more morons I called, the more frustrated I got and the more frustrated I got the more stupid they got.
Either that or I really pissed of that bitch Karma.
* I got offered the chance to review a toy - one toy - from an educational site. They asked me to pick out three and they would choose which to send for the review. They sent all freaking three. Expect a post up at Paint! very soon, these are some seriously cool toys!
** If you could take a minute to bookmark or blogline or google read Paint! and Where Was I?, I would really appreciate it. But thats not all, I would super really appreciate it if you opened both blog in tabs and left them open, while you play a game of canasta or solitaire or go on your coffee break or I dunno, actually spend five minutes a day reading the bloody things. Yes. They are full of paid ads, but they are also full of interesting tidbits about my daily life you will never see here in BPR. For example. I’m not writing about how me and the baby almost got hit by a retard truck driver here, am I? Nope. Not linking. Its the most recent post at one of those two blogs.
But why do I desperately want you to read those two blogs? Google dropped paid bloggers page ranks to zilch over the last month, so PPP has decided to get rid of Google page rank in their system. They have unveiled a new system, one based on actual visitors to your blogs. They call it real rank. I need my rank up so I qualify for high paying opps. The ONLY way to rank up is to have visitors. Lots and lots of visitors. Pee ess: as of now, reading from a reader doesn’t get counted as stats, so please click over to the physical blog site.
Besides. I’m damn proud of Paint! and Where Was I?.
Oh and …
∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 11.20.2007
∗ LOL, Oh Noes, Pranks
∗ Comments (9)
Tricia : Hello, Western Canadian Lottery Corporation, This is Tricia Speaking, how may I help you tonight?Bluepaintred : Hi. My name is Bluepaintred* And I have a gambling problem.
Tricia : I’m so glad you called us tonight Bluepaintred. Reaching out for help is the first step in overcoming this addiction. Now, how would you describe your problem?
Bluepaintred : Well I bought a few of those one dollar scratch and win lottery tickets and -
Tricia : Do you gamble only with lottery tickets or are there other sources in which you gamble?
Bluepaintred : Well. Once, when I had just turned 18 My dad took me to a bar, becuase I was old enough and I put a quarter in a machiny thingy, but bells and stuff started going off and I thought I broke it, so I hid and refused to answer when the bartender asked who had done it! Now, just to be safe, I just play scratch tickets.
Tricia : Uhm. OK. How often do you buy -
Bluepaintred : So the thing is. My gambling problem. Last night I bought a few tickets, and I scratched them all, but I didn’t win. What’s with that?
Tricia : Well it’s called gambling becuase you often do not win.
Bluepaintred : Yes I realize that. But I bought and paid for the tickets and then I scratched them, and then, there was just nothing.
Tricia : OK. Have you been to our website? We publish the odds on all of our Scratch Lotto tickets and -
Bluepaintred : Yes. Scratch Lotto. I bough them, and scratched them and did not win. Thats my Problem.
Tricia : OK, So when a person gambles they sometimes do not -
Bluepaintred : You see, I scratched with a nickel. And normally I use a dime. Is that what the problem was?
Tricia : Well. I can’t see what difference that would mak-
Bluepaintred : Well. Is it becuase I scratched up and down and not left to right? My friends friend told her that you have to scratch them a certain way. And really my only problem here is with gambling. I just don’t understand this. I bought the tickets and then…Nothing!
Tricia : Ok. Listen to me for a minute. When you gamble, it can cause problems becuase you do not win, and then you have nothing to show for the money you have spent.
Bluepaintred : Yes! Exactly! I bought them. I read the back.. here let me get it, I will read the back to you and-
Tricia : Ma’am? Listen to me for just one minute. You will not win on every Scratch lotto Ticket you buy.
Bluepaintred : No?
Tricia : No. That is why it is called gambling.
Bluepaintred : Well then. I think I have a problem with gambling becuase I bought them. I paid for them in cash. I took them home and scratched them all. And I didn’t win. See? This is a problem with gambling.
Tricia : You know. Maybe I can get my supervisor here to talk to you for a minute…
And that’s when I hung up.
The best way to do this is to go into quiet place, place the call and use the Speaker Phone function so that you can record the words. It is IMPOSSIBLE to write as fast as they talk. Also? Kick your husband out of the so called quiet room so his manly giggles don’t ruin it for you.
*not my real name
∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 11.16.2007
∗ LOL, Pranks
∗ Comments (18)
