This is not the most boring meme EVAH!
The Cool and wonderful Shelli tagged me for this one!
What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now? Wow. Getting kind of personal and it’s only the first question! The means I use to clean my insertable amusement park is really none of your business!
Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? Uhm. No. Should I? Watermelons are very, very big. And messy. Oh and they are also a summer food. DUH.
What would you change about your living room? I would either put up a mirrored ceiling or move the cable jack to a different wall.
Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? Clean. Thank God you didn’t ask about the ones in the sink.
What is in your fridge? Defrosting rats, Penicillin, you know, all the normal fridge type things.
White or wheat bread? Gold bars. I would have also accepted chocolate chips.
What is on top of your refrigerator? Air. Dusty air.
What color or design is on your shower curtain? Glass. What’s with all the questions about me being wet and naked? You some kinda stalker?
How many plants are in your home? Other than the penicillian in the fridge? None. Plants are for people who care.
Is your bed made right now? Heh. You’re trying to picture me in it aren’t you? FYI. My socks don’t match and I have no panties on. Did that help?
Comet or Soft Scrub? Chocolate chips, but I would have also accepted Gold Bars.
Is your closet organized? I have closets? Great. Nine AM and I am already at my limit of learnable knowledge for the day. I hope you’re happy now. *shakes head*
Can you describe your flashlight? Uhm. It’s kinda yellowish,three X three inches wide/tall, made of wax, it has a string thingy. Often dusty.
Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home? Porcelain. I find the water is cooler that way. And I love pushing down that little handle!
Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? Is the concept of Winter that hard for you? When it is cold outside, you drink coffee, when it is hot outside, you drink coffee. Gawd. It’s not that hard. Maybe you should write that down?
If you have a garage, is it cluttered? Are you offering to clean it out? If so, will you blow out the water lines at the same time too?
Curtains or blinds? Neither. I feel better when I know people are watching.
How many pillows do you sleep with? Four. Two regular sized super plushysoft, one body pillow, and some dudes shoulder. Dunno who he is, It’s always dark when I use him.
Do you sleep with any lights on at night? DARK. As in the absence of light. Effin morons..
How often do you vacuum? lets see, there are 365 days in a year, so thats like 51, no, 52 weeks, divide by eighteen is eleven, no 2, add the number of rooms that have carpet and NONE ya dipshit. Vacuums are for carpets and I shave!
Standard toothbrush or electric? The sleek, engineer designed, aerodynamic turbo seven hundred, eight thousand RPM, operates with nineteen Dcell batteries.
What color is your toothbrush? I don’t have a toothbrush.
Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? No. And that means YOU.
What is in your oven right now? If there is anyfuckingthing in my oven, My doctor is going to have a LOT of explaining to do!
Is there anything under your bed? yes. A floor, then a basement, then some dirt. Or maybe rocks. If you keep going under, eventually you will hit lava, so that’s pretty cool, right?
Chore you hate doing the most? All of the above. Are you taking notes yet?
What retro items are in your home? Are you calling me old? Fuck you. Get out of here. I can handle you ignoring then not welcome mat, but name calling is just not needed!
Do you have a separate room that you use as an office? Who in their right mind would bring work HOME? I wouldn’t. Plus having a job would suck ass, and I am definitely not into ass sucking. Wait. Is there chocolate in the home office? Can I change my answer?
How many mirrors are in your home? Mirrors are just another way for the government to watch you while you bathe. We have six hundred and ninety seven.
Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? In Canada we use rocks as currency. Rocks belong outside or in your pants.
What color are your walls? We tore out the walls to make room for the mirrors.
Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home? Does a broadsword count? We mostly use it for kinky things, but it is darn sharp..
What does your home smell like right now? I have a cold.
Favorite candle scent? There is nothing like sitting in a warm fuzzy blanket, a hot cup of coffee in one hand and a good book in the other, enjoying the aroma of boiling cat urine.
What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now? Why are you so certain I am Pregnant? Seriously? It’s just a little water weight, I swear!
What color is your favorite Bible? The bibles in our house are very shy. I’ve never actually seen one, though I hear they come out at night to forage for food. If I ever manage to see one of those elusive little suckers, I will make a point to note the color!
Ever been on your roof? As in HOHOHO you fat sob? Well guess who’s been blowing Claus all year long- and tonight I am making sure you go down on the naughty list for calling me fat. AGAIN!
Do you own a stereo? If I had a stereo, would I be sitting here typing to you? I thought not!
How many TVs do you have? Closed circuit or other?
How many house phones? Two and three quarters, but you can blame the cat for that one!
Do you have a housekeeper? Yes. Her name is Mrs. Smokpey, and she only does floors. I’m not sure I like her choice of scrubbing agent (it smells vaguely like urine) but who am I to question, as long as she does the job well.
What style do you decorate in? I like long walks on the beach, cuddling in the moonlight and de-striping zebras.
Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? I prefer the cardboard variety.
Is there a smoke detector in your home? Yes. The kids think it is a dinner bell becuase it goes off ever night when I Open the oven to take out dinner.
In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip? If I am wearing a bra, my laptop, but if there is no support happening for the girls, I would have to grab grab them. Running makes things bounce in an uncomfortable manner dontcha know.
I have no excuse (except a crying dog, a huge turkey, a cat who screams and six million piddle spots to clean up ) for not posting the last two days! To apologize I will write an entire post geared for just one person! WooHoo! Viva La Laziness!
(start copy)
Remember when we were kids and at every opportunity, some adult would have us play that silly Telephone game? You know… the one where the lead person comes up with a sentence or statement, whispers it into the ear of the next person in line, and the sentence is passed from person to person until it reaches the end of the line. The last person then repeats the sentence out loud, the first person announces what it actually was, and everyone gets to laugh about how goofy it got by being passed from ear to ear and being altered because of mispronunciations and hearing ability.
Of course I realize that the game was simply a means for adults to keep us in line while we were waiting for something or killing time. Haven’t we even now as adults, tried to use it on our own kids?
Being the silly kind of fracas that I am, I’ve decided to create an internet version of the game, and use it as an opportunity for link-getting. Everyone wants links, and yet lots of people I know, prefer to get their links in a non-obvious kind of way. We’ve all done the “copy this list and create a post and you’ll get links” type of tag… at least once, but most of us don’t want to fill our blogs with those posts. It may get links, but eventually will chase readers away.
This is a fun way to give your readers something entertaining to read and get a few links too.
Instructions:
If you’ve been tagged, check the last entry on the list. Copy this entire post, add your name and link to the end of the list, copy the sentence in the previous person’s entry and change ONE word in it to try and change the meaning of the sentence for your entry. Name and link only ONE person to tag and then post the whole thing as a new entry in your own blog. Please make sure to transfer all the links to your post otherwise you aren’t providing fair linkage to the people before you. Although this will take longer to get around, by tagging only one person you will avoid making mass enemies by having to tag many people, and it will also guarantee only one true version of the game is circulating out there. Fracas, the creator, will attempt to keep tabs on the game and periodically report on it.
Please try not to tag someone you see is already on the list. If you’re on the list, have been tagged again by someone who didn’t pay attention to the instructions and you don’t want to do another turn, please leave a comment at this post over at Fracas, and Fracas will take your turn for you in order to keep the list going.
1. Fracas - http://fracas.wordpress.com writes:
Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.
2. Mark @ Blogitude - http://www.blogitude.com/ writes:
Never continue dating anyone who is nude to the waiter.
3. Wiggy @ http://damewigginsoflee.wordpress.com writes:
Forever continue dating anyone who is nude to the waiter.
4. Froggy @ The Road Less Traveled - http://froglette79.wordpress.com writes:
Forever continue dating anyone who is nude under the waiter.
5. InTheFastLane@ That’s Life - http://thatslifev2.blogspot.com writes:
Forever continue dating anyone who is nude under the water.
6. Treadmillista @ Just Treadmilling Around - http://treadmillinginplace.blogspot.com/ writes:
Forever continue dating everyone who is nude under the water.
7. Christine @ Watch Me! No, Watch Me! - http://watchmenowatchme.blogspot.com/ writes:
Forever continue watching everyone who is nude under the water.
8. Candace @ not that i don’t love my kids - http://notthatidontlovemykids.blogspot.com/ writes:
Forever continue scratching everyone who is nude under the water.
9. Fracas - http://fracas.wordpress.com writes:
Forever avoid scratching everyone who is nude under the water.
10. Bluepaintred - http://www.bluepaintred.com writes:
Never avoid scratching everyone who is nude under the water.
Drum roll please!
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I tag Shelli, cus she loves meme’s!
So my day started off SO perfect. NO kids, slept till eleven. A shower All.By.Myself. No kids screaming in the living room making me come out with soapy feet and bubbly hair to kill separate them. NO Stuperman knocking on the shower door to let me know I have bubbles on my head and “dats berry silly mommy, take it off” Lemme repeat. No kids.
None.
So I went online and found out that Fantastagirl and Angel both gave me a Nice Matters award! Sweet.
See. I am too nice. They said so and They wouldn’t lie. Would they? I get to give this to fourteen hol-ehfuck.thatsalot! bloggers now. But I will do that later becuase you need to know how awesome my day was.
So the kids came home, and one would think that right there the perfect awesome wonderful day would end. But it Didn’t! See. We emptied the pool. Have you any idea how fun it is to give three kids buckets and ask them to empty a pool Without getting wet? Hilarity ensued. Also. I soaked them all.
And then? Then I went to PPP and found out that my good buddy CoffeeMom won a freaking roomba! Awesome fucking news. (I want one. Send it now)
And then? Then I checked my PayPal. Does anyone even remember why I started Whoring myself out the the wonder that is PPP?
Anyone?
*pout*
I wanted a new camera. A small one I could throw in my purse. This will be here in a week.
And then? Best of all? BFF Kissy Called me and told me she was ditching work so we could go for coffee. YAY ME.
And to tag the 14 peeps I think are nice? Innerestingly enough there are 101 blogs in my bloglines and when I take out all the porn links, and the ones that are celebsites, I still come up with more peeps than I have awardtags. Which I hate. Still. I’ll try.
Avitable - He comes across as gruff and rude, but I think he is more of a teddy bear then a profanity filled gorilla.
Mr.Fab - Now here is a weird, but nice guy. If you were to try and guess how many times I have e-mailed him with a problem you’d have to start guessing in the triple guesses. And each time I ask, he has the answers or can point me to them. Hmm. Maybe he’s not so much a Nice guy as a know it all. No matter. It’s already typed and I’m not deleting all that hard work.
Shelli - Shelli reminds me of myself except in one area. She really is a nice person. I just pretend to be.
Sheila - She rocks becuase she makes me feel loved with her constant battle for Firstdom.
CoffeeMom - She comes and drinks coffee with me. She MUST be nice!
NobodyTM - Nobody is nice. Know how nice? I’ve asked him twice to transfer blogspot blogs to dotcoms, and he did it both times. I wonder what he would say if I asked him to do it a third time for me…..
MalnurturedSnay - He hates salad and loves Harry Potter, but nicest of all? He brings people pizza!
And Uhm. Sigh. (I’m getting really tired of tagging people here).
How about MetalMom,
NotaGranny,
Monkee,
Lynda,
Miss Ann The Unlinkable,
ICANHASCHEESBURGER,
and you
That was hard. Sigh.
But srsly? I love you all.
FIRST! A few things about the contest. I fit a size seven in the stores here at home, but a 5.5 in their sizes, so serious, measure your feet! Are they 9 5/16 inches long? Second. Has everyone who wanted, gotten my home address? If not, email me; bluepaintred@gmail.com !
Schmoozing as defined by Dictionary.com is the ability “to converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.” When it comes to blogging, schmoozing is your ticket to making new friends, getting yourself noticed and building a reputation. Some bloggers are gifted with the ability to effectively schmooze and others not so much.
But me? Hell yea I’m a Schmoozer! Or ass kisser, whatever, same thang!
My dear blogging buddy Squirrel told me so. Why would she lie?
Here are the Schmooze rules:
1. If you receive The Power of Schmooze Award, write a post with links to 5 blogs that have schmoozed you into submission.
2. Link to this post and Mike so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ or the ‘Power of Shmooze Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog
My pick of five of the best Schmoozers, who intentional or not have successfully Shmoozed me into submission!:
1. Avitable. I tried not to fall for him. I really did. But sex? With a snake? Woah. Ever since that post, I’ve been hooked - and have spent considerable time eying my snakes. It’s OK. I think they are too small…
2. Sheila. There is something about Sheila that hits close to home with me. I’m not sure what it is, but I feel almost like she is me or I am her ..or something. It’s OK. I’m not that kind of stalker Sheila!
3. Fracas. I started reading her just becuase I found out we live fifteen minutes away. I sort of might have wanted to “spy” on someone I might get to see in a grocery store or..something, you know? But I ended up reading her posts, and shes so eclectic! From one day to the next, Who knows what Fracas will toss your way!
4. Shelli. Yeah. You know it girl!
5. Webmiztris. She does drugs and smokes and drinks and has no kids and loves cats and some days… I just want to be who she is.. I Publish Postlike to live vicariously through her blog!
The end. Now go measure your fucking feet!
I needs a tissues!
Because Shelli and Marilyn love me and know I am on my deaths* door, they tagged me. As Usual, Shelli’s hand lingered for an inappropriate length on my bum. But I liked it, so I can’t really complain!
Here is the tag from Marilyn:
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:
1.Freelance Cynic
2.Are We There Yet??
3.It’s A Blog Eat Blog World
4.More Random Than Average
5.Bluepaintred
Next select five people to tag:
THEN answer the following Questions:
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Mourning my mother’s death
graduating high school
moving in with my grandma
starting university
meeting my future husband
What were you doing 1 year ago?
here is a link to my June archives. I’m too sick to go through them. I’m at deaths door you know!
Five snacks you enjoy:
chocolate
coffee
green peppers
sour cream and onion chips
potato skins with bacon and cheddar and LOTS of sour cream
Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
99 loft balloons
Happy Birthday
Point Of Light
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
Amazing Grace
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
My husband
Go on a cruise
Take the kids to Disney land
Camp for a year
Build a house with a jacuzzi tub with plants and steps leading up to it and a window and little nooks for candles … I could go on..
Five bad habits:
Biting my nails
Blogging
Smoking
My Husband
Sleeping in
Five things you like doing:
My Husband
Blogging
Reading
Rubbing wet coffee beans all over my body
Going to coffee
Five things you would never wear again:
Maternity clothes
repeat X 4
Five favorite toys:
Laptop.
Computer
Camera
Knives
Crayons
And then, Shelli said I rock. She did. Right here. I’m not lying, go and see.
And now, with snot trying to escape my nose, I get to point my germ covered finger at five of you and say “You Rock!”
1. Tug
2.Fracas
3.Coffee Mom
4.Sheila
5. I Believe
* by deaths door, I mean I have a cold. My nose is leaky and stuffed. WTF is with that? Can’t it pick one or the fucking other? I probably won’t actually die, but dam it! I’m gonna whine like a guy until it is decided!
