You might recall a post I did last year where my boys got Letters From Santa.
Here we have a note to Rainbow man from Santa. Please note the X’s and O’s and the festive red and green writing.
And Blue Boy, again, a personal note from the jolly man, X’s and O’s added Plus a few HoHoHo’s added to ensure BB knows he is on the good list.
And the final damning piece of evidence is Stupermans letter. Please Pay Attention. No festive red and green pen, but plain black. No personalized note. Its obvious that Stuperman has been a very naughty boy and will be receiving only coal in his stocking three days hence.
Yea. LOL. Well it would have been funny had the oldest boy not noticed the difference and become convinced santa hated his brother so he wouldn’t like Santa either!
This year we decided to do away with the tradition of writing to Santa. And I DO mean tradition, Me and my siblings wrote to Santa every year too! We decided it would be easier to get rid of the Santa letters than to deal with the questions afterwards.
I wish I knew earlier in the season that there is a website, letters from Santa, where you can personalize the letter to your child and have sent – from Santa! Maybe next year. Cus honestly? I could have a lot of fun “personalizing” those letters! ( No more peeing the bed or else mister!!) (Don’t hit your brother) (Stop picking the dogs nose!!)
Eight years ago tonight, ( 1:05Am October 29th) I lazily pushed out the first of my three sons. I say lazily because it was three half-hearted pushes. Don’t hate me for my “birthin’ hips”
I was able to get away with not changing a diaper until he was five days old because I am very good at being busy when work needs to be done. Just ask my dad.
In any case, When I opened his smelly little diaper, wipes at the ready, I saw his penis for the first time and broke out into laughter. It was tiny. Smaller than tiny. I’m serious, it was like a little nub, barely there.
That night, our first night home with the baby, I asked my husband if boy babies always have such teeny tiny penis’…peni…dicks. My husband, engrossed in the tiny fingers of his little heir, distractedly explained that when a boy reaches a certain age, their dad takes them to the Penis Garden to pick out a new and improved, larger sized penis.
I laughed. That got his attention. His face paled and his hands trembled and he begged me never to tell anyone that I knew about the existence of the Penis Garden. Apparently, the Penis Garden is very well kept secret among the testosterone sect.
I promised never to tell (oops) but every summer since then, I have meticulously searched every garden I happen across, on the off chance that I will finally find the fabled Penis Garden.
Saturday Morning I finally found it. I was a bit surprised to see that it was made of ice considering penis’..peni…cocks have such violent reactions to cold.
Pee Ess: It is also Not A Granny’s Birthday today. Go wish her a good one
Afterthought- Having slept on the issue at hand I have decided that they must flash freeze the phallus to ensure maximum freshness.
I read approximately six million and four blogs a day. Some of them make me smile, some make me cry, some I comment on, some I lurk on. This one *smirk* I have been banned for commenting on, but still lurk, mainly to giggle at his ridiculous spelling mistakes (intertain, encontenance, inlighten – to name a few) It is not often you will see me publicly bash a blogger, but this post had me gasping and re-reading, trying to fool myself I had not read it right the first few times.
Today his post made me shiver. This man is not sane? Srsly. NO man can type this kind of drivel and not be joking, right? And even then, it’s a damn sorry excuse for a joke.
the King is looking for a new Queen.
The criteria for this position are as follows;
A. General Attributes:
1. 5′0″ to 5′7″ in height and 100 to 132lbs. in weight
2. Hair color (any color) eyes (any color)
3. King asks that u try to look like a girl more often than not.
4. Feminin not Masculin
B. Personality Attributes;
1.Must believe in monogamy and allegieance to the King or die………
2.Must know what obligations are (your obligation also applies to the King).
3. Must be responsible and disciplined (to help the King in everyday mundane efforts).
4.Must be able to oversee all the duties of the castle( with only minimal help from the King (except where applicable)).
5.Must be able to deal with Kings exceptionally high sex drive and machismo with no complaints. (especially when he has drank too much Dark Ales)
6.will try not to back talk the King or barade the king with unecessary battling (unless death of the Queen is an acceptable outcome).
7. always love honor and cherish the King as he will always love honor and cherish the Queen.
Lets start with number seven. He threatens death not once, but twice in his post, but he loves honors and cherishes you? Nu-uh. No way. Any man (or woman for that matter) who threatens physical harm – even as a joke – does NOT love you. Name calling, hitting, threats, It all falls under the category of abuse, not love!
And number five, dealing with his “high sex drive”. Do I have to point out that even in a committed relationship – including marriage – it is rape if the other person is unwilling to “deal”. Drinking too much does not give you a license to rape. For crying out loud, kids are being taught “no means no” in grade school these days so how can this “man” not understand the concept at his age?
Numbers two, three and four. If, and this is a big if, he works all day and she is at home all day, I can see why she has to “oversee all the duties of the castle”, but what if she works too? Does she still have to do all the “everyday mundane efforts”. I assume he thinks as much, what with his caveat of “with only minimal help from the King”.
I guess that what I am getting at is that, if you love yourself if you respect who you are, Do not sell yourself short. No person, of any gender, of any race, should be treated this way.
It is not a joke, and it is not right!
Warning. What lays ahead is most assuredly a mommy post, but a mother’s pride will NOT be denied!
School is out at three oh five. On a normal day that means the kids are home by twenty after, so you can understand that I was a bit nervous when the clock rolled around to three forty and the kids were no where in sight.
Naturally I went in search for them.
I had worried for nothing – they were almost home.
Still. I was quite upset, there is no reason for it to take that long… is there?
*Kindergarten students are not allowed to leave the classroom until their designated person picks them up.*
Why did it take you so long to get home?
“If you are the last-ed kid waiting for your person, teacher will give you a candy and I gots to save half of it so Rainbow Man will walk really slow to get me and we can have candy for both of us”
Heh. Thems’ my boys 
)
Pee ess: I’m still sick. Send sympathy. Or candy.
And Blue Boy, again, a personal note from the jolly man, X’s and O’s added Plus a few HoHoHo’s added to ensure BB knows he is on the good list.
And the final damning piece of evidence is Stupermans letter. Please Pay Attention. No festive red and green pen, but plain black. No personalized note. Its obvious that Stuperman has been a very naughty boy and will be receiving only coal in his stocking three days hence.
