Apparently, Micah had other plans, as he ran his hand slowly down my back. I calmly explained to him that my vagina was an adolescent vampires wet dream at the moment, and that hanky panky was not on my agenda tonight.

And that’s when he bit me.

Of course, this didn’t happen in real life.

It doesn’t matter if I am laying in bed or peeling potatoes for supper, I imagine the weirdest things, I picture the oddest scenarios. I make up dialog between me and some other person, ANY other person. I hold entire conversations, sometimes, even arguments, with non existent people. All.The.Time.  It’s an addiction.

Does anyone else do this?

This is Bob. Whenever I am angry at the current weather I make a sacrifice in hopes of appeasing the weather gods. I never see any actual results from my sacrifice, but it sure makes ME feel better!

Fuck you, and your cold white heart! Go to Hell And Die!

Oh. I guess you wanted to know who won the Caption Contest, eh? Hubs has had a lot of enjoyment out of all the entries, and in the end, he was torn between four different entries. Before I show who actually ended up tickling his funny bone the most, let me show you the prize!

It looks bigger in real life, it really does!

Check this fucker out! A freaking light up Hello Kitty Sucker! That rocks!

And this. Sigh. This is the best fucking sucker you will ever taste. Seriously. If you let this sucker go to waste I will kill myself just so I can haunt you for the rest of your goddamn life. And not in a nice way either! I argued all the way home with Hubs that it was just too big of a risk. What if the winner doesn’t like Cinnamon? For my own piece of mind, I will require an email from the winner stating how much they loved this sucker, becuase, really?

I COULD BE EATING IT RIGHT NOW~!

Worship this sucker. Cherish it. Love it more than masturbation.

And the Winner is :

ANGRY of Angry buttons!

Pls to be sending me your snail mail address to bluepaintred at gmail dot com!

To take advantage of that warmth you need to wait for a minus thirty three day before deciding to bake cookies.

Mix up a double batch of the chocolate chip cookie recipe you stole from Fab last winter. Forget to take a picture of gigantic ball of chocolate-chip studded dough. Decide a lolcat talking about cookies is an OK substitute.

Add Smarties to the top cus you are cool like that!

Pop those suckers into the oven. Wait eight minutes. Remove. (is anyone writing this stuff down?)

Wait for them to cool.

Feed annoying little people who keep asking “Are they done?”

You should eat one too!

“But,” you say, “That is only 24 cookies. What did you do with the rest?”

Good Question internets, goood question.

You see, the one and ONLY benift to living in Saskatchewan in the winter is that the entire outdoors becomes your freezer.

Make the cookies like above, but do not cook them, instead, mash them together, cover them with wrap – please note taped edges to foil the wind –

And toss them onto your front deck, (or you can put on your toque, your husband’s shoes and walk out in nothing else but your fuzzy Pooh jammies and place them carefully on the deck – your call) and walk away. Use much willpower not to sneak back and begin eating frozen cookie dough.

Do NOT forget to leave a ball of raw dough in the refrigerator for your husband. Forgetting this step is a sure way to incur his wrath!

In the morning morning, rescue the frozen cookies, package them, and store in the inside.the.house freezer.

Helpful hint : Stack packaged cookies precariously in the freezer so that they fall out and smack you in the head as timely little reminder they are there. This will prevent freezer burn.

And there you have it, Cookies in the wintertime.

Shopping = awesome.

As you know, or SHOULD know, the twelfth of December is a very important day in my life. My Bff Kissy was born on that day. Normally I would put up a cutsey wootsie post about how much she means to me and how I would be lost without her and pleasedonteverleaveme, but instead of spending her birthday behind a monitor I actually ventured out of the house and saw her.

Its actually really hard to see her due to the 14 hour days she works – oh and the no days off thing, that sucks too. Whatever. She managed to get her birthday off so we went out on the town. And by that of course, I mean we went to Wal*mart.

I love Wal*Mart. I really really do.

Other than spending time with Bff Kissy, my mission, should I choose to accept it, and I did becuase it meant shopping, was to get the randomosities that fill up the childrens (and mine) Christmas Stockings.

I dunno how you all do your Stockings, but when I grew up, the staple of my stocking was Socks and underwear, and to this day, unless there is a special occasion (*wink*) I get new underwear the 25th of December and thats it.

Ahhhnyway. I picked up the cutest sock sets for the boys, Cars For Stuperman, TMNT For Blue Boy and Hot Wheels For the eldest, eight year old Rainbow Man – Who wants me to change his name to Dragon Master BTW.

I also Picked up the various packages of underwear. Well Two packages for me because I could not decide between the colors. I got The Bee Movie ones for Stuperman, And Spiderman Boxers for the Two older boys.

So the problem is this, interwebs : While waiting in line to pay, BFF Kissy started crawling up and down my spine and bashing my frontal lobe in about the fact I got Character socks and Underwear for Rainbow Man. She feels that at eight, he should be wearing plain undies and white (or black) socks.

Let me be very clear on the subject of socks for just a moment : No matter how fucking old you are, white socks or black socks have no place in your life. Socks should be fun, colorful and above all, when you look down, they should make you smile.

But What about the Spiderman Boxer Breifs? Is he really going to be embarrased to wear them? He’s eight! I have a feeling that when he and his buds are lined up at the urinals having pissing contests, they are ALL still wearing Spiderman, Super man And TMNT Underwear!

Bff Kissy asked me if I will still be buying him Character undies when he is 13. I told her that providing they came in his size, yes, I would.

(She feels that if he is wearing Character undies at 13 he will be too embarrassed to drop trou for a girl – this is not a bad thing! )

In any case, Interwebs ; I ask you this : Is eight too old for cute undies? Should I be buying black and white, with the odd navy blue? Is it really necessary for me to walk past the cute Optimus Prime and settle on the boring old pinstripe?

Here we have a note to Rainbow man from Santa. Please note the X’s and O’s and the festive red and green writing.

And Blue Boy, again, a personal note from the jolly man, X’s and O’s added Plus a few HoHoHo’s added to ensure BB knows he is on the good list.

And the final damning piece of evidence is Stupermans letter. Please Pay Attention. No festive red and green pen, but plain black. No personalized note. Its obvious that Stuperman has been a very naughty boy and will be receiving only coal in his stocking three days hence.

Yea. LOL. Well it would have been funny had the oldest boy not noticed the difference and become convinced santa hated his brother so he wouldn’t like Santa either!

This year we decided to do away with the tradition of writing to Santa. And I DO mean tradition, Me and my siblings wrote to Santa every year too! We decided it would be easier to get rid of the Santa letters than to deal with the questions afterwards.

I wish I knew earlier in the season that there is a website, letters from Santa, where you can personalize the letter to your child and have sent – from Santa! Maybe next year. Cus honestly? I could have a lot of fun “personalizing” those letters! ( No more peeing the bed or else mister!!) (Don’t hit your brother) (Stop picking the dogs nose!!)

except…

• It’s an addiction
• We are decorating Gingerbread men tomorrow.
• It’s an addiction
  
• I hate snow. Guess what it has been doing all fucking weekend
• I’m addicted to this
• How big is this dog going to get? Do normal three month old puppies stand up and take things off counters?
• Holy fuck. I’ve wasted five minutes when I could have been playing this!

Is it just me or is bloglines seriously fucked right now?

Last year, from the first snow fall that stayed till the last snow of the year was seven months 23 days. And that doesn’t take in the snow that came and melted nor the horribly cold spring that meant we still had snow in May.

Mentally patting ourselves on the back, we walked from the back yard to the front, ready to go in and continue sitting on our asses – only to feel the first flakes start falling.

That was four this afternoon and it hasn’t stopped.

Out of the mouths of babes, we heard “Tomorrow is going to be so much fun”

Fuckers. They have no clue what we are in for.

Sigh.