So I heard that Blue was looking for people to guest post, and foolishly, I volunteered. Foolishly, not because Blue isn’t awesome because she totally is, but because it’s hard enough to think about what to write for my own blog. And I already did another guest post where I put my boobs on the internet, so it’s kind of hard to top that. Oh, and incidentally, this isn’t Blue in case you haven’t figured it out. This is Lynda from over at Crazy, Nerdy, Beautiful.
Of course, Blue saw that boobs on the internet post and told me that she can’t be friends with someone who has a better rack than she does. So, I thought maybe I would write about her fantastic rack, but honestly, I haven’t looked at it that much. I have a strange fascination with my own boobs, but I’m not really that interested in other women in that way. However, if you saw her dress and her post asking the Internet for their honesty, you know she has an amazing rack. So, really, what’s to talk about?
Then I thought of talking about my newly discovered interest in sex toys. I mean, I’m a newly single gal, and I never had used them in my marital relationship, but I know other people have. I’ve heard a lot of talk about these toys, and such tools may be useful for a newly single gal who just got out of a bad relationship. But, you know, I probably will link this post from my blog, and my parents read my blog. And at the moment, I also live with them. So, I don’t want them thinking any buzzing they hear is from anything more than good oral hygenie. (Think electric toothbrush, you perverts!) I mean, I know I’m an adult and all, but that’s just something I think of as being on the no-no list of things to talk about with your folks. So, please note I haven’t admit or deny anything. Especially if you are my mom reading this.
So, I sat and thought, “What the hell can I talk about?” Oh, and did you hear the conditions. We have to make sure that Blue doesn’t get arrested. Unless we can post her bail and represent her at her hearing. And at this time in my life, I just can’t afford that or I would totally try to get her arrested!
So, really, I got nothing at all.
Except this. Maybe you can help me. You see, as I am writing this post, my dog has been coming up to me wanting to play and go for a walk at almost 10:00 at night.
This is Nikki:
Nikki seems to not understand a few things. First off, she seems to think that the best time to ask for a walk is at 10 o’clock at night or later. I walk her in the afternoons many days, and my nephew plays with her, and she likes to sleep. But at 10 o’clock, she is asking for that walk. Many times after I walked her during the day as well.
Secondly, we just vacuumed today, my mom and I. So, Nikki, who incidentally hates the vacuum, decides that since we aren’t going for a walk, 10 o’clock is the best time to play with the messiest toy she has. One of those balls that dispenses treats. And leaves little treat crumbs all over.
Why can’t see do these things at 4 o’clock in the afternoon? When it’s sunny out? And I can put her outdoors and not have to worry about walking in the dark with the street lamps going off and tripping over the sidewalk or being mugged! Or having to vacuum again tomorrow because of little treat crumbs annoying my mom! Is this some kind of backwards dog ESP?
I guess I should just be glad she lets me sleep in most mornings. And so concludes the worst guest post ever.
Hi, I’m LeSombre – Canadia’s Blogger, a.k.a Mike, a.k.a. Michel a.k.a. The Canadian Polar Bear, a.k.a. “You know, that guy”. You might remember me from such great guest posts and fake guests posts as “Mikey Sunday” “Witchless Wednesday“, “The Roast of Wayne Hall“, “The best of LOLPolarz” or “Adam does Ottawa“. I run this little corner of the web called LeSombre.ca – please feel free to come and visit sometimes, eh?
Holy Crap!
Here I was chatting away with my BlogeyWife about how I wasn’t able to write a guest post for Blue. Let’s listen in…
LeSombre: Wow, I’m so uninspired it’s not even funny.
SheilaCSR: I feel ya.
LeSombre: Aren’t you supposed to be my muse? ::Sigh:: I’ll go peeeeeeeeeee, maybe something interesting will happen.
SheilaCSR: LOL okay
See how fun we are in real life?
[Few minutes pass]
LeSombre: Boy will I shut my mouth in the future
SheilaCSR: uh oh! what did you do?
LeSombre: As I was walking to the bathroom, I felt that familiar pressure indicating that I might be in for more than a simple pee… So I made my way to the private bathroom instead.
Let me pause here for a moment. I know there’s this whole thing about pooping at the office, pooping in public places and such, but trust me if you’re one of those people, this affliction can be cured. I used to be one of you. I swear. I was completely against popping in public places. When I was 15 I used to be a camp monitor, we’d bike around the Memphremagog over the course of six days with a bunch of kids (from Sunday morning to Friday night), and I’d poop once on Friday night, and once on Saturday night. The rest of the week? Nothing. That being said, it’s amazing how sixteen days in Africa will cure even the most resolute asshole on the planet. Trust me, now if i have to go, I sfind the closest bathroom and I go.
LeSombre: Which was completely out of toilet paper.
Of course, I had taken the time to clean the floor – hey, if there’s even a remote chance that my pants will touch the floor I’m going to make damn sure the floor is clean. I said I could use public restrooms, not that I was crazy about it or anything. So for some reason, I made the rookie mistake of trusting the double roll dispenser to do it’s job of hiding a second roll just for me.
LeSombre: There was only 3 sheets of hand paper left. I guess when the cleaning crew is on vacation, you’re not supposed to crap at work. So I had to either scoot from the private bathroom to the public one with my pants around my ankles to finish the cleaning part of the job, or make do with 80 grit sandpaper, aka the handpaper.
SheilaCSR: HAhahahahahaha!!! what’d you choose?
LeSombre: Yeah… I managed to make it with my pants up after using two of the last three pieces of handpaper, and the last piece of handpaper neatly tucked in my ass crack as a preventive measure. Let’s just say I wouldn’t have walked a mile like that.
SheilaCSR: Hahahahahahahahahaha! So no more wishing for something interesting to happen?
LeSombre: I’m done wishing, yes. But: I got a post!
SheilaCSR: Yay!
LeSombre: Plus, my crap post will have more comments than yours.
SheilaCSR: Hahaha! Fucker.
So there you have it. I guess SheilaCSR really is my muse, even if she works in mysterious wa
Here I was chatting away with my BlogeyWife about how I wasn’t able to write a guest post for Blue. Let’s listen in…
LeSombre: Wow, I’m so uninspired it’s not even funny.
SheilaCSR: I feel ya.
LeSombre: Aren’t you supposed to be my muse? ::Sigh:: I’ll go peeeeeeeeeee, maybe something interesting will happen.
SheilaCSR: LOL okay
See how fun we are in real life?
[Few minutes pass]
LeSombre: Boy will I shut my mouth in the future
SheilaCSR: uh oh! what did you do?
LeSombre: As I was walking to the bathroom, I felt that familiar pressure indicating that I might be in for more than a simple pee… So I made my way to the private bathroom instead.
Let me pause here for a moment. I know there’s this whole thing about pooping at the office, pooping in public places and such, but trust me if you’re one of those people, this affliction can be cured. I used to be one of you. I swear. I was completely against popping in public places. When I was 15 I used to be a camp monitor, we’d bike around the Memphremagog over the course of six days with a bunch of kids (from Sunday morning to Friday night), and I’d poop once on Friday night, and once on Saturday night. The rest of the week? Nothing. That being said, it’s amazing how sixteen days in Africa will cure even the most resolute asshole on the planet. Trust me, now if i have to go, I sfind the closest bathroom and I go.
LeSombre: Which was completely out of toilet paper.
Of course, I had taken the time to clean the floor – hey, if there’s even a remote chance that my pants will touch the floor I’m going to make damn sure the floor is clean. I said I could use public restrooms, not that I was crazy about it or anything. So for some reason, I made the rookie mistake of trusting the double roll dispenser to do it’s job of hiding a second roll just for me.
LeSombre: There was only 3 sheets of hand paper left. I guess when the cleaning crew is on vacation, you’re not supposed to crap at work. So I had to either scoot from the private bathroom to the public one with my pants around my ankles to finish the cleaning part of the job, or make do with 80 grit sandpaper, aka the handpaper.
SheilaCSR: HAhahahahahaha!!! what’d you choose?
LeSombre: Yeah… I managed to make it with my pants up after using two of the last three pieces of handpaper, and the last piece of handpaper neatly tucked in my ass crack as a preventive measure. Let’s just say I wouldn’t have walked a mile like that.
SheilaCSR: Hahahahahahahahahaha! So no more wishing for something interesting to happen?
LeSombre: I’m done wishing, yes. But: I got a post!
SheilaCSR: Yay!
LeSombre: Plus, my crap post will have more comments than yours.
SheilaCSR: Hahaha! Fucker.
So there you have it. I guess SheilaCSR really is my muse, even if she works in mysterious ways.
Stolen from the LeSombre. I get to steal this post becuase I asked him (and everyone else) to post for me tonight so that I could go drink coffee COFFEE COFFEE COOOOFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEee with BFF Kissy and stay out late and not come home early so that I could write a post. Stealing this post meant I got to stay out way late! YAY for stealing!
A – Age: 29
B – Bed size: Queen
C – Chore You Hate: washing floors. No. sweeping floors, washing is better than sweeping
D – Dad’s Name: Don
E – Essential Start Your Day Item: That the letters P and M are following the numbers on the clock
F – Favorite Actor: Matt Damon – but only as he was in Eurotrip. he looks like a dick in every other movie I’ve ever seen him in.
G – Gold or Silver: White Gold
H – Height: 5?2?. Five foot one, but I scootched up a bit when the doctor measured me one time and then was able to convince him that his measurement of Five Foot One and a Quarter was close enough to two that maybe he could write down a two not a one. So, in reality, I am five one, on paper, I am five two. I like Five two better even though it does not help me reach the high shelves.
I – Instrument (s) you play: Keyboard. As in, on my laptop.
J – Job Title: Mom. Maid. Cook. Unemployed. lazy Bum. Any of them work.
K – Kid(s): three.no. Four. No, seven. Yeah. Seven. Parker, Blake, Logan, Micah, Smokey, Sammi & Tigger.
L – Like: Coffee. Internet. Chocolate. Hot Bubble baths. My husbands Ass
M – Mom’s Name: Sharon
N – Nickname: Blue, Mom
O – Overnight Hospital Stay Other Than Birth: When I had eight pounds of boob chopped off, they kept me overnight.
P – Pet Peeve: Loud things. Not ALL loud things. I don’t mind loud voices or loud toys, but the TV bugs me. OMG does it bug me.
Q – Quote that you like:
“In the real world, as in dreams, nothing is quite what it seems.”
Or
“Night has patterns that can be read; less by the living than by the dead.”
Both of which can be found in The Book Of Counted Sorrows
R – Righty or Lefty: Very Strong right. I have zero ability to do anything requiring fine motor skills with my left hand. I cannot hold a brush and brush my hair with my left hand. I cannot even hold a cigarette with my left hand and successfully get it to my mouth, I end up dropping it.
S – Siblings: I have an older sister and a younger brother.
T – Time You Wake Up: The very last possible moment.
U – Useful tool: Laptop. Coffee Pot. Camera
V – Vegetable that you dislike: I hate all cooked vegetables with the exception of potatoes. I love all vegetables, even potatoes, raw.
W – Ways you run late: I would rather be an hour early to a doctors appointment wand wait to be seen than be one minute late. If I am late it is directly becuase of my children or my husband. I like to leave early. very early for any appointment.
X – X-rays You’ve Had: Wrist (multiple times) chest, ankle.
Y – Yummy Foods You Make: Coffee. Butter smothered potatoes, chocolate Chip Brownies, .
Z – Zodiac: Cancer. My Birthday is July Second. If you are stumped for gift ideas, let me help.
….Now is the time to return the favor. Actually two favors.
I’ve entered into a contest to win a Wii! An OMG Wii. An OMG never in stock in our stupid stores fucking WII people. Please go rate my video as high as you can (or as low as you want – but its a fucking good movie, so rate it properly!) I want a Wii people. Really bad. Personally, I think my video rocks!
The second favor I ask of you pertains to this :
THE Dawg is holding a vote to see which Teddy Bear Steff gets. My choice is NOT in the lead.Click on this adorable Prince Charming bear and be magically taken to casa del NYCWD where you can leave a comment – and thus a vote – on your favorite bear. There are three different bears to choose from, and to be fair I will not tell you which adorable bear I fell in love with.
A few days ago I commented on a blog. Not a shocking activity for a blogger, is it? The neat part about my comment was that it cemented my involvement in the Pay it Forward Movement. I’ve seen Pay It Forward posts around the net for a while now, and thought it was a great idea.
What happens is you write a post, much like I am doing, but with different words – and maybe some pictures. Everyone who does not have dial up loves pictures! During your post you mention Pay It forward and specify which comments will be involved.
In my case, I have chosen comments number 3, 5 and 8. Do they seem random? they aren’t. Random would be choosing negative sixteen, eighty four and nine billion and one. If you are commenter number 3, 5 or 8 I will request your snail mail address and send you something, BUT you have to do the same on your blog.
Thus, if you decide to leave a comment, and you happen to be 3, 5, or 8 and do not want to play, please make a note of it in your comment!
~***~
In other news, Hubs is picking up his PSP tonight after work, so I will be bored and on the interwebs waiting for you to entertain me. There had better be cotton candy and balloon animals!
