Today I surprised myself. In a good way!

See, there is this store, it’s a candy store, all the ooooold candies, all the stuff you cant find anywhere else, its got toys and collectibles, it’s pretty much heaven on earth, and I had been avoiding it ever since My sister died.

My sister was on welfare – don’t you fucking judge, she had five or six hours of dialysis every second day and was tired and sick in between treatments, there was no way for her to work. People who don;t screw welfare, who don’;t have kid after kid after kid just for the cash, do not live on the high hog on welfare. Sheri never had extra money for special candies, she spent her cash on rent and a few groceries, so I loved buying her little treats, flavored lip glosses, bags of jelly beans, sizzling cinnamon suckers, all her favorites, and surprising her with them the next time we met up. (some times, by accident, I had eaten her jelly beans and sucked her suckers before I saw her to give them to her) (shut up, I love candy. SO MUCH. You have no freaking clue how much I love candy. If you had any idea how I feel towards candy, you would be buying stock in safe diet pills ASAP)

AHNYWAY. We went to the store, I saw stuff, new stuff that she would have loved, But instead of getting all sad and mopey, I smiled thinking that she would have loved it, and made plans to go back later when I had more expendable cash to buy some, and enjoy it for her.

I feel like I won something, being able to remember Sheri, to remember something we both loved, without breaking down.

I’s like my gold star now please!

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 06.18.2010
∗ Uncategorized