So my little glutton for punishment, Blake, is turning eight in a month. He, like most kids, would like to have a birthday party, and I, like most parents, have no problem with that.
That said, last year, when he turned seven, he had a birthday party and not a single child came. Not one. We ended up calling his grandparents who came down immediately (the party was held at an indoor gym type place, called the fun factory).
Blake’s response to all of that, becuase I was seriously concerned, was “How can I not be having fun? I’m at the FUN factory!”
And so here we are, one year later, same situation. Blake wants a party, has three friends picked out to invite, and would like to return to the scene of the crime to celebrate.
Blake is a loner. He prefers his own company to anyone elses, he does know how to socialize and is good at it, according to his teacher. he is great, vocal, outgoing and helpful during group activities at school, is willing to initiate contact with another child on the playground to play – but leaves the situation to play alone if more than three or four children are involved.
And he is HAPPY alone. He is always cheerful, full of long winded SHUT UP ALREADY KID stories of what he did and what games he played at school that day, and when I ask, well who played that game with you, he looks at me like *I* am weird and says , No one, it was just me! And then continues on his never ending excited replay of his day.
So, here we are. A happy loner who is either a glutton for punishment, Wants more gifts, or is the epitome of an optimist.
He has picked three kids he would like to invite. I talked to his teacher, and each of those boys are closer to Blake than any of the other kids, in terms of the amount of conversation/playtime they spend together.
Last year we sent the invitations home three weeks before the party, then twice more. We talked with the teacher who wrote notes in the planner and, while she could not give us their phone numbers, district policy, provided us with last names so we could attempt to locate them ourselves. We never did make contract with the parents, and the end of the story, you already know, was him around his cake, smiling, blowing out candles as his brothers, Micah and I and his grandparents sang.
Blake might be able to handle another birthday with no friends present, but I don’t know how *I* will. It was heartbreaking, watching him run off to play, only to come back every ten minutes if one of his friends had come. He did not, nor has he since then, ever express any type of sadness or anger over his friends not coming, but he is a full year older and maybe able to understand better what is happening.
What the fuck do I do?
We had parent teacher interviews last week and since there is no point discussing the fact that Blake would be better off in the fifth grade than the second, all we discussed was his social skills and his upcoming party. His teacher has given me a partial class list – some parents agreed to let their number be given out, so I have two out of three phone numbers already, but not the third.
His teacher is going to be giving out the invitations WITH Blake, and SHE will put them in their planners (The kids must bring planners home, have them signed and bring them back every morning).
I plan on putting both my phone number and my email in the invitation for the three parents to RSVP to, but should I include a note explaining about last year? Will that point out that Blake is somehow different than other kids and make them not want their child to attend where otherwise they would have been fine with it?
I have no idea what to do, to be honest.
My plan right now, as it stands, is to ask my neighbor to keep her schedule free for the day of the party, so that if no one shows like last year, she can bring her two kids, I will be doing the same with my brother, so he can bring his kids. But I *really* want HIS friends to come.
Like. A lot.
*Pee Ess: I don’t give a hot damn that he isn’t a social butterfly, becuase he is HAPPY that way. But it’s a catch-22 at this point.
∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 03.24.2010
∗ Uncategorized
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Comment by Sheila - March 24, 2010 11:26 pm
With the exception of the 13 years I had with my wife I have *always* been alone and while there were long stretches when I was absolutely happy with things being that way, it is also a curse because being a loner means having the hardest time in the world when you wake up one day wishing you had that one special somebody and realizing that it’s not going to happen.
Comment by Selif - March 24, 2010 11:53 pm
I am a bit of a loner, and I would have been horrified if I found out my parents asked people to come to my party. I don’t mind being different, but I don’t like to stand out either. On the other hand, he seems happy-go-lucky, and probably doesn’t care either way.
I almost think it would be better to talk to the parents, and mention the no show in passing like it doesn’t bug you.
Comment by Lynda - March 25, 2010 12:31 am
In the mean time though, I still want to throttle the other idiot parents!
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Comment by Blondefabulous - March 25, 2010 4:05 am
I think it’s OK to talk to the parents since it’s only three kids. You can just tell them that last year no one RSVP’d and you want to be able to tell Blake that, yes, his friends are coming and know they will. Use guilt. It works.
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Comment by Finn - March 25, 2010 7:51 am
@Selif – All three boys are different boys from last years party, so i doubt their parents have heard anything. It’s a small town, but not that small. I worry about a note saying anything because including a note at all is so out of the ordinary with a birthday invite.
@Lynda – Oh no, not a surprise party. Blake has planned it all, of his own accord – he would have liked to start planning and inviting people back in January. he piceked the cake, the friends and the place it is held. I talked to him about last year and he said “Well if my friends cant come to my party, my brothers will be there. And we are having chocolate cake, so thats good, right?”
@Blondefabulous – Yeah i don’t quite get it either. For 15-20 bucks you get an afternoon off from that child, the child has fun, food and friendship and brings home a goodie bag. I know that my boys accept 99.9% of all invites they get, and I call the day the invite comes home to say if we can or cannot attend.
Its a shame you had people rsvp to the positive and then not show. Last year we didn’t have a single rsvp and we tried numerous times to contact the parents becuase if I had heard `no`he would have invited different kind,s KWIM?
Comment by bluepaintred - March 25, 2010 7:56 am
But that sounds wrong to me.
Comment by bluepaintred - March 25, 2010 7:59 am
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Comment by phinz - March 25, 2010 9:52 am
==Blake is very much looking forward to having *kid’s name* be part of his birthday celebration.
Please let us know by *deadline date* whether or not he will be there so that we can plan for the correct number of guests. Hope he can join us!==
And, if they don’t respond, I would definitely call the ones for whom you have #s.
I must say, I love how mellow and ‘go with the flow’ Blake is. My oldest could sure use a dose of that!
“Well if my friends cant come to my party, my brothers will be there. And we are having chocolate cake, so thats good, right?” <—that attitude will serve him well in many situations.
Oh – and I don't think I'd say anything about last year.
Comment by Peggy - March 25, 2010 10:45 am
Just relax, mama bear. You’re cub will be okay!
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Comment by Alexandra - March 25, 2010 3:33 pm
I would include your email and phone number, as you said, in the invitations but *I* probably wouldn’t include a note – yes, sad but true, some people get weirded out if they think a kid is “different,” and instead of getting out of their comfort zone and allowing their child to be friends with that “different” child, they stick their head in the sand and ignore. Trust me, I’ve been there – having a child with special needs often scares people into doing and saying stupid things and they’d rather just allow their child(ren) to hang out with other “normal” (society’s term, not mine) kids. Ugh. That’s not to say, that you can’t have a conversation (phone or in person… a written note or email, sometimes just doesn’t cut it with expression, etc.) with some of the parents, simply explaining that although your son is a loner, it would be nice if “child’s name” could attend.
Listen, your son sounds amazing – he’s obviously comfortable in his own skin and sometimes as parents *we are* the ones who are struggling. When my son turned 12, he wanted a bowling party and we had invited 4 kids from his class, plus his best friend, also from the class. NO ONE showed up except his best friend. Why? I have no idea. BUT my child was heartbroken – yes, like I said, he’s a loner and comfortable with it, but he’s also growing aware of being seen as different and assumed no one liked him. We suspected, later on, that his teacher did NOT hand out the invitations as she promised she would do. Against my better judgment, I let her take the invitations. That won’t happen again. But I digress…
You can only do so much and you can’t make people RSVP (although I think it’s rude NOT to) but hopefully they get the invitations and DO call you or email to say they are coming. I think what’s important is how your son feels – yes, as a mom, it’s hard to see your kid have ZERO friends at his or her party, but honestly, if he’s A-OK with however it turns out, friends or no friends there, then that’s all that matters. If he’s having a happy day, then it’s a good day! Sometimes we have to take a cue from our kids to see what’s what. And it sounds like you’ve got your bases covered in the event that his school friends don’t show – as a mom, you’ve done your absolute best. I hope his friends DO show though, because those kids would be (are) lucky to have your boy as a friend!
I say, if your son isn’t stressed about it, then take your cue from him and don’t YOU stress about it. Focus on the positive – that your baby boy is growing up and is happy, cheery and healthy!
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