Tonight I spent some time cleaning up BPR.There were certain posts that needed to be edited and/or deleted concerning a certain company that sucks ass. I’m sure that some of you *cough* Avitable *cough* were hoping I would take this chance to clean up the 92357092375928356 spelling/grammar errors in my posts, but dude! That’s almost 1300 posts and each of them have about 1300 errors so, no, OK, just NO. Try and be happy that I now use firefox, it’s squiggly red line has already saved your eyes from eighteen errors just in the first four sentences!!
AHNYway. The fact that I cannot spell is not the point, the POINT is, while cleaning up BPR tonight I came across some things that made me giggle. Then it made me stop and sigh. I used to be funny!
See :
Meh. I’m tired of The WTF Bullets. Are you or does the sudden full line text confuse you? I’d hate for that to happen. One minute you are fine the next you will be circling the blog with that annoying slack jawed look on your face, trying to convince my stat counter it is in the mood for anal.
Really. It isn’t. Please stop, you’re getting lube everywhere!
What the hell happened people? When did I stop amusing myself with BPR and start putting myself (and I assume everyone else) asleep?
Micah and I feel that everything can become a learning experience for our children. Everything.
This is how we taught the children about Politics:
The candidates tonight (for dinner) were Cheese Burger or Lasagna.
Blake and Parker voted in favor of the cheese burger, Micah and Logan voted for the Lasagna.
I had the deciding vote.
Which I promptly sold to the highest bidder (Micah, who promised a fresh pot of coffee).
I feel our lesson in politics was successful.
And now, I have to figure out how to either take pictures without glare, or how to remove glare in Photoshop. Because as much fun as it is to macro my kids, I kinda like their WHOLE face!
Any suggestions?
In other news, My baby is insane. AND. I have Proof.
He is planning on bathing the dogs in mustard and setting them loose on us at three Am, I just know it!
Ok wait. You had a husband. And then he died But….he didn’t. But you thought he did, But he came back and you were all “Oh HAI! I missed you, whatcha been doing the past few YEARS! Quick we should have sex because my biological clock exploded all over the spare bedroom while I was trying to figure out how to put spare batteries in the pocket rocket I bought last week, and I haven’t found anyone to replace you yet so lets have a baby!” Ohkaaaay then. That makes sense. Moving on…
You are a Very Bad Person. You are NOT supposed to punch people in the face! The damage will be too visible,a nd you are liable to face assault charges!! Now, what I like to do, and this is just me, you don’t have to follow my advice if you so choose…..I like to take a ruler. (A wooden one, not one of those el cheapo plastic pieces of crap that break on the first whack) Tie your friend up – best to do this while they are sleeping thanks to the conveniently spiked drink you gave them, and beat their feet with the ruler. The bottom of the feet. Why the bottom? Simple. It’s really hard to mark the sole of the foot but, BUT, it still hurts like an SOB. So you untie them, wait for them to wake up, and make sissy pants sympathy noses, while secretly giggling, as they complain about how sore their feet are.
Much better than a punch to the face!
Dude. it’s OK. You can be honest with me. Your ex broke up with you due to your massive debilitating addiction to internet porn, right? Surfing porn 18 hours a day is the only way I can see a person getting 45K in spam. A DAY. Unless…well unless you were lying on a secret tweet. You weren’t LYING, were you?
Go here. Unless you are at work. Unless your boss is OK with this sort of thing, then go ahead and click that link. Now you never have to feel empty again. And I’m going to buy stocks in Duracell!
Dude.Wait. WHAT? You preform surgeries. And you have no idea what you are doing? Yeaaaahhhhh. I’ll say you don’t. Listen, I’ve spent the past ten years thinking I was THE absolute worst speller in the history of the entire interwebs, but even I know a surgeon is supposed to PERFORM surgeries!
So …..it’s not like I am ignoring all of you, I’m Very Busy doing Very Important Things. Like blowing my nose. We buy Charmin ultra soft double rolls of TP. I’ve used two whole rolls in the past 48 hours on my nose. Lemme tell you, when your nose is raw and bleeding, it seems more like sandpaper than ultra soft! (pee ess: I am too cheap to buy kleenix)
Aside from blowing my nose, I have also been hacking up a lung. It’s damn hard work getting lungs back in you know, you have to wash them off very carefully to prevent infection! So yeah, I haven’t been ignoring you, I’ve been very busy dying.
And just so you know, I am getting no sympathy at home. I tried to tell those three germy little jerks that I won’t ever, ever, NEVER kiss them again, but they just laugh at me. And then ask for a kiss. I told hubs to make sure the funeral director gives my hair a quick trim so that I don’t go to my grave with split ends, but he just repeated that no one has ever died from a cold.
See? No sympathy, whatsoever!
(Hint : This is where you come in…)
