I don’t know if most of you know who I am, but my name is Sheila. I was ecstatic when I received an email today from Blue saying that she’d given me access to her blog while she’s away ‘camping’.

This couldn’t of come at a better time since I have some disturbing news to tell all of you.

I’ve recently found out that the person that we have all come to know and love as bluepaintred, the author of this very blog, is not who we believe.

Last night, while watching my stats on that new fangled Woopra, I noticed our dear little Canadian friend faithfully commenting on my latest post. Considering I don’t have thousands of visitors to my blog, I was very excited to finally see someone while I actually had the new stat reader opened.

I studied the IP address, the browser information, the screen resolution… all important information, I guess, but not overly interesting to me in all honesty.

Then I saw it.

I saw the little loose string on your favorite sweater. You know the one. You play around with it, trying hard not to pull on it, knowing that only bigger trouble will come from it, unraveling faster than you realize, all swirling out of control!

Bluepaintred is NOT bluepaintred.

Woopra has our deceitful Canadian listed as living in Regina Saskatchewan, which most of her supposed internet friends know is not the city that Blue claims to live in. In fact, Regina is nearly completely across the Provence from the mailbox that Blue begs us to send unmarked packages of chocolate and coffee.

After finding this unsettling information, I decided that more research was necessary. While googling Regina, I found that this largely populated area actually brags about their state of the art Penitentiary with the top of the line amenities, including unlimited access to computers and the internet for those who have been listed as having ’Good Behavior’.

The Prison is ironically named after the wealthy woman who donated the humungous portion of land that the campus resides on, Mrs. Violet Lacquer.

After some intense prodding via email and instant message chatting, I finally cornered ‘Blue’ into telling me the real story, which is as follows:

Don M. Pabllo was sentenced to 30 years for the illegal trafficking of pornography across the Canadian boarder with the intent to sell for profit. Being his third offense, the courts decided to dump him in Regina’s huge prison with the hopes of keeping him off the streets for some time.

Don has been in this penitentiary since about June of 2005. In March of the next year, Mr. Pabllo was labeled as an ‘ideal inmate’, by keeping his cell clean and staying out of trouble, thus gaining access to the internet for prolonged periods of time. About that same time, Don decided in order to maintain his sanity, he’d create a blog. Instead of reporting the mundane daily activities of an inmate, Don decided to create this make-believe family that ‘Blue’ discusses.

The pleads for shipments of chocolate and coffee are Mr. Pabllo’s ‘money’ in Regina’s Prison. Along with cigarettes and toilet paper, Mr. Pabllo can ‘buy’ his way out of any trouble that could arise in this inner community. The packages we ship are received by Don’s long time widowed mother, who comes to visit her only child once every week. Mrs. Pabllo takes care of Don’s pet guinea pigs, Smigger and Trokey, bringing new photos every visit.

So, while bluepaintred told us that she was going camping with her family while her husband was on vacation from work, the truth is that Don Pabllo’s internet access was suspended until the penitentiary conducts an investigation regarding the influx of printed pornographic images that have made their way to other prisoners.

Yet, after learning all this new information about Mr. Don M. Pabllo’s pornographic preferences, I must still admit that I am a huge fan of this blog. Even if not a word of it was ever true to begin with. Kudos to you, Mr. Pabllo, for keeping your public entertained. Let all of us strive to be like you… I mean, not just like you.

∗ Posted by Sheila on 08.04.2008
∗ Uncategorized