The One Where I Complain. AGAIN!

**I know, I know, a blog full of complaints is boring, so to reward you for reading this post, there is a picture of boobs at the end**

So I’m on a diet. Big whoop. I’ve been on and off six million diets since October 29, 1999. That would be the day my eldest son was born for those of you taking notes.

I guess there are two main parts to a diet. Exercise and Portion control. What no one talks about is the nasty side effects diets have.

Lemme see.

1. Exercise. I guess this is pretty important. Not sure why, but seeing as this is the first time I have implemented actual exercises into my dieting routine and I am *gasp* actually seeing the scale move, so It doesn’t really matter why it works. I have my Wii Fit, and I love it. I am in fact, planning on getting it drunk this weekend and impregnating it with my babies. Lets see that bitch complain about late night snacks after she has had a couple of kids!

2. Portion control. Unfortunately, this translates to PUT THE GODDAMN CANDY DOWN AND BACK AWAY FROM THE CHIPS LARD ASS. So I stopped eating chips. And five cent candies. And putting sugar in my sugar coated cereal. And I stopped melting bowls of chocolate chips  in the microwave so I had something dip my marshmallows in.

And pretty much? Life sucks without chocolate. Just so you know.

As for the side effects. Go ahead and avoid junk food for a week or two. Then say “fuck it” I’m celebrating my 2.2 pound weight loss with chocolate coated caramel-nut granola bars. TWO of them! just try it. Then come back here and comiserate with my over my gut ache.

Fucking diet has ruined candy for me.

(pee ess: I lied. No Boobs)

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 07.30.2008
∗ Uncategorized

Comments: 18 »

  1. I, for one, like when you complain! And I totally relate with this post. Diets suck!

    Comment by Diane Mandy - July 31, 2008 4:34 am

  2. I’m still jealous that you have a WiiFit and I don’t. :evil:
    Buckys last blog post..The Fart Incident Of 1997

    Comment by Bucky - July 31, 2008 5:51 am

  3. I was expecting to see a picture of a cat, dog, or cow at the end of this post. :grin: Have you done the “Rhythm Boxing” yet?

    Comment by Dustin - July 31, 2008 6:03 am

  4. How about an all-chocolate diet? Give that a try for a week or two and see how you do.

    Avitables last blog post..Pornucopia - Porn of Plenty

    Comment by Avitable - July 31, 2008 6:40 am

  5. Maybe one bar would have been a better choice. It’s all about balance.

    Finns last blog post..Thursday Photo Lesson: First Base

    Comment by Finn - July 31, 2008 7:54 am

  6. Even those of us not particularly interested in boob pictures scrolled down to see the boobs before we read the post. There’s something wrong with that.

    I want a Wii Fit but I have zero chance of ever getting one.

    Marilyns last blog post..Can you tell I don’t have anything to say?

    Comment by Marilyn - July 31, 2008 9:43 am

  7. No boob pictures?
    Can we at least get pictures of the upcoming impregnation?

    mixednuts last blog post..Shake It Up

    Comment by mixednut - July 31, 2008 10:06 am

  8. Upcoming impregnation? Did I miss something?

    Avitables last blog post..Pornucopia - Porn of Plenty

    Comment by Avitable - July 31, 2008 10:07 am

  9. Diets suck, ever notice the word DIE is in the word - which must mean - death will ensue if you go on one….at least that’s my latest theory. Actually when release from this medical leave I plan on getting back on the treadmill and going back on *gasp* a diet. YUCK - better get my chocolate in now!

    Comment by Fantastagirl - July 31, 2008 11:23 am

  10. I don’t like marshmallows cept in hot chocolate. I never thought of dipping them in melted chocolate. Thanks for the great idea! Oh, and good luck with the portion control and Wii Fit!

    Winters last blog post..Shake Me

    Comment by Winter - July 31, 2008 11:35 am

  11. I think marshmallows dipped in melted chocolate and stuck onto boobies would totally rock. Please email me a pic of that ASAP.

    Comment by Nobody™ - July 31, 2008 12:21 pm

  12. Congrats on losing 2.2 pounds!

    If you can handle bittersweet, those Ghirardelli 72% cacao squares are mighty tasty–and supposed to be full of antioxidants or whatever the buzzword is now. You just have to be able to stop at 2, I think. I am able to do this because after I let them melt slo-o-o-o-wly on my tongue, I wash them down with a couple MGD 64 beers–a darn good brew with only 64 calories a bottle!

    Haven’t lost any weight yet and am completely mystified . . . :wink:

    Comment by phinz - July 31, 2008 12:33 pm

  13. I cannot imagine eating sugar in my sugar coated cereal or melting bowls of chocolate chips in the microwave and dipping marshmallows in it, but then you probably can’t imagine eating peanut butter right out of the jar. I haven’t had that in a long time. In fact, it’s been about 3 weeks or so since I had any peanut butter at all. For that matter, no candy either. We’re awesome and we can do this.

    Shellis last blog post..Precious Gems

    Comment by Shelli - July 31, 2008 8:19 pm

  14. I feel your pain blue. Since herniating myself, I’ve realized that a 6 month wait for surgery while being forced to lead a life described as “sedentary” will undoubtedly lead to my scale reading a lovely 300 pounds, so I’ve been doing that “diet” thing I never do.

    It sucks. We deserve gifts.

    fracass last blog post..4 Best Chinese Jokes. Ever.

    Comment by fracas - August 1, 2008 2:23 pm

  15. ROFL, I love it how the commentluv feature labels me a fracass. There are people who visit my blog who would cheer.

    fracass last blog post..4 Best Chinese Jokes. Ever.

    Comment by fracas - August 1, 2008 2:33 pm

  16. Wait, you mean if I exercise, I might lose weight? That’s crazy talk!

    Karls last blog post..“It was the kind of place that made you think that you were right back in the summer of love.”

    Comment by Karl - August 1, 2008 11:12 pm

  17. I hate the ‘e’ word. seriously. Sucks that weight is so easy to put on, and so hard to make go away - it KNOWS it’s not welcome.

    Thanks for pimping my pic - you’re awesome!

    Tugs last blog post..Vote for Tug!

    Comment by Tug - August 2, 2008 11:32 am

  18. Always good to read what you have to say

    Comment by Hypnosis Melbourne - August 30, 2008 5:55 am

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