My Birthday has been Canceled

[start very long intro]

Ever since last summer, when my Mother-in-law took my three boys and their cousin S for a week long sleepover, she has talked and talked and talked about doing it again. This morning she called and told me that Hubs sister, D, and her daughter, the boys’ cousin S, will be coming into town on Wednesday and can the boys stay the week with her.

Mother in law told me she needed an answer, that she had told Sister D to call back in ten minutes to confirm. Mother in Law said, and I quote :  “Wednesday works perfectly for D, but I told her I needed to check with you first, that you might have plans”

I told Mother in law “No. No. NO. They cannot go over Wednesday, Thursday is fine, but Wednesday is my birthday and I wanted to spend it with my boys”

“Oh. Well that works perfectly then!” She exclaimed.

“Huh?” I should point out that in the morning, I have a hard time figuring out pants, much less my Mother in Law’s special brand of logic.

Mother in law went on to explain that this way Hubs is free to take me to a nice dinner, or a movie. Maybe even for coffee!

[end very long intro]

Well. Sure. Yea. Dates with hubs are always nice. But this is my birthday. And I wanted to spend it with the people I love. Is that so fucking wrong?

Seriously. I twittered my disappointment over not having the boys for my BD and I had email’s and direct messages coming out the wazoo. But. Not one of them sympathized with me, they ALL questioned why I am so unhappy with this arrangement.

And that brings up yet another question. For two weeks now I have been seeing a common theme with bloggers in regards to Summer Vacation. Everyone is horrified. Everyone is bitchy. Why? Because they have to “Deal with the kids. ALL.DAY”

What the fuck people?

Is there something wrong with me that I LIKE spending time with my boys? I Love them, sure, but more to the point, I LIKE them. I like the person they are. I like talking to them, playing with them, surprising them with Popsicles and splashing in the water with them.

I just plain like being with them.

And from what I can see online and now, with this mornings activities, thats wrong. Apparently I should be jumping for joy at a chance for some “Alone time” at the chance to “Get away from them”.

Contrary to what my Mother in Law and damn near all of the internet think, This year? My birthday will suck ass. No cake. No sticky boy kisses. No “Happy Birthday Mommy”. I’m not looking forward to it at all. In fact, Since this morning, I have been fighting back tears every time I think about it.

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 06.28.2008
∗ Uncategorized

Comments: 34 »

  1. I hear ya. One year when Motley was younger she went to a Halloween thingy and I remember being really upset that we couldn’t go to dinner together on my birthday. It’s happened a couple more times since then as she’s gotten older and wanted to do stuff on Halloween instead of hang out with mom. My birthday always gets put off to another day now so she can do Halloween with friends. Still, it makes me feel really, really BAD. So I totally get where you’re coming from.

    Winter’s last blog post..Draggin?

    Comment by Winter - June 28, 2008 8:30 pm

  2. And this is why you are my god!!! I wish to like my kids this way one day!!!! Any tips???

    You were such a great mom right from the get go…. me…. im still getting use to it!!!

    Comment by what's in a name - June 28, 2008 8:40 pm

  3. I always looked forward to my two kids being off of school for the summer. I too enjoy their company & love the lack of any school, homework and bedtime schedule. My birthday falls on a holiday (ha!), so I never had to do “without” them on my b-day. I don’t think I could stand that either. I hope that the plans change for you & you get to spend your day with your boys. Good luck.

    Comment by Chris A. - June 28, 2008 8:58 pm

  4. Well, you must be doing something wrong… geez, spending time with your kids… because you want to?! WTF is wrong with you?!

    :razz:
    Sheila’s last blog post..yeah, yeah

    Comment by Sheila - June 28, 2008 9:13 pm

  5. Birthdays are more fun with kids, sorry I didn’t twitt a supportive response…been sick and not online till this evening. Stick to your guns. They are your kids, nobody elses (other than hubs.)!

    DeeJay’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Lloyd!

    Comment by DeeJay - June 28, 2008 9:14 pm

  6. It’s YOUR birthday, and if you want to be with them, then DAMMIT, you SHOULD BE. Hell with what anyone else thinks…can the (shit I forgot from google reader to here) nephew, maybe? come stay with you & your boys that night? STAND UP FOR YOU…

    I totally loved having my daughter around all my birthdays…otherwise, it was just another day. Summer was awesome, ’cause then we could do things on OUR schedule, instead of school, activities, all that - you are NOT alone.

    Good luck…

    Tug’s last blog post..The Gratitude Campaign

    Comment by Tug - June 28, 2008 9:16 pm

  7. Can your husband talk to her? Maybe she will listen to him. You should celebrate your birthday the way you want to.

    If I had kids, I would want to spend time with them.

    Lynda’s last blog post..Traveling

    Comment by Lynda - June 28, 2008 9:18 pm

  8. I can understand that you love your boys and love spending time with them, but it also seems like you get very little chance to just be you and JJ, too. Sorry if I didn’t seem sympathetic on Twitter, but I’d just think you would be able to have fun both with and without your kids. If you can’t possibly imagine having a birthday without your kids being involved, fucking say something to your MIL. Don’t give up without a fight yet!

    Avitable’s last blog post..Lazy Sunday XLV

    Comment by Avitable - June 28, 2008 10:05 pm

  9. @Winter - is your birthday right on the 31st? Thats cool. But yea, halloween parties, sitting at home handing out treats, that would be a sucky birthday.

    @what’s in a name - I want congratulations LC. I finally figured out who “whats in a name” Is.

    @Chris A. - Don’t bother “hoping” for the plans to change. I need to get up and stop the passive aggressive shit and tell MIL whats what. I just need to work up the guts to stir the pot.

    @Sheila - I Know! Know what else is wrong with me? I like YOU!!! :lol:

    @DeeJay - Being sick sucks! Hope you are feeling better soon!. And thanks.

    @Tug - I’m mean enough that i don’t want to deal with the neice (not nephew lol) on my BD. In fact, I get the feeling MIL will say come over for dinner and think she is square with me. But uhm. no. I want it at my house. With MY family. Just the five of us.

    @Lynda - Nah, hubs has his own shit to deal with in regards to her. I think that since I am the one with the problem, i should be the one to say something.

    @Avitable - No. There will not be a fight. I think I just might “forget” to send them over. Or is that too passive aggressive?

    Comment by bluepaintred - June 28, 2008 10:42 pm

  10. Hey Girl. Twitter has sucked ass lately (at least at my end) so I totally missed that.

    Just wanna say I SO hear you. In my arrangement with The Ex I have not had The Kid at home for my birthday nor Mother’s day for a few years now and The Ex is completely reluctant to make a slight amendment to our arrangement in favor of me having The Kid at home. It SUCKS ASS… I work fulltime and do extra jobs outside of my main job and I would SO much want to spend more time with The Kid. He’s spending first 3 weeks of summer holiday (from July 21) with his dad and the consecutive 3 weeks with me. Well, lemmetellya: I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT!

    So I feel ya, totally

    DutchBitch’s last blog post..All I got for today?

    Comment by DutchBitch - June 29, 2008 3:14 am

  11. I agree with you. It’s your birthday - you want to spend time with your kids and more importantly - they still want to spend time with you. So tell your MIL - no - sorry - Wednesday is out. It’s gonna cause problems but they are your kids and it’s your choice.

    libragirl’s last blog post..Just a warning

    Comment by libragirl - June 29, 2008 3:53 am

  12. The other thing I was thinking, too, was that you’re an adult. Most adults I know don’t always celebrate their birthdays on the actual day if it falls in the middle of the week or something. Why not just celebrate your birthday the day before?

    Avitable’s last blog post..Lazy Sunday XLV

    Comment by Avitable - June 29, 2008 5:00 am

  13. There doesn’t have to be a fight, it’s your birthday, and well, you’re their mom, you decide. End of it. I’m hoping that hubs supports you on this and maybe he can call his mother and explain to her that you want the kids with you on your birthday and the kids can spend time with her on Thursday. I know this, if you don’t speak up, it won’t happen and you won’t have the birthday you want.

    MsBatman’s last blog post..Taking Care of Business

    Comment by MsBatman - June 29, 2008 6:00 am

  14. I think it’s awesome you want to be with your kids on your birthday.

    And I tend to agree with most of the people above. Tell your MIL that they can NOT come over Wednesday, they can go over on Thursday. Period. End of story. It’s YOUR day and you are their mother, you decide when/where they go.

    sodapop’s last blog post..The weekend

    Comment by sodapop - June 29, 2008 6:16 am

  15. Ooooh! I like the whole “forget” to send them over!

    DeeJay’s last blog post..BILLY JOEL - I Go to Extremes

    Comment by DeeJay - June 29, 2008 6:35 am

  16. My birthday is on Wednesday as well. Our plans were for going to Universal for the week to have a fun, family birthday celebration, TOGETHER. Unfortunately for us, the yearly passes we purchased have a black out date from June 29th to July 6th…..right when we planned our little birthday celebration. Crap! So now I am going to be 35 for another week until we get to July 7th, and then I am going to loasd everyone up in the car and we will just do it all a week later!

    You could always tell your MIL to piss off! That might have repercussions though….. :wink:
    blondefabulous’s last blog post..Sunday Morning In The Country.

    Comment by blondefabulous - June 29, 2008 8:21 am

  17. Keep the boys with you. Tell MIL that you will send them Thursday. They are your children, not hers. If Thursday doesn’t work, then they don’t go.

    Trishk’s last blog post..This Just Toasts My Ass

    Comment by Trishk - June 29, 2008 8:28 am

  18. I think for most people having the kids home for the summer is just hard. yeah it’s nice that there is no schedule for school and what not, but it is hard to accomplish the things that are expected everyday. Because the kids are there. A lot of moms I know have a hard time finding extra child care, and when my kids were younger it was practically IMPOSSIBLE to get any sort of work for my job ( i work from home) done. Unless I stayed up half the night. So before you just assume we all hate our kids, you have to imagine a scenario other than your own. Noone has more fun with, or enjoys her children more than myself, but I dreaded summer vacation, because I knew I would never make a phone call in peace.

    Comment by maria - June 29, 2008 8:47 am

  19. Oh and….HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :grin:
    blondefabulous’s last blog post..Sunday Morning In The Country.

    Comment by blondefabulous - June 29, 2008 10:21 am

  20. Aww, that’s so neat that you want to celebrate with them!
    A lot of people just want to get away from their kids and go to a bar and get drunk.

    I do have to say, summers were a bitch for me because I had to work and they just spent all day at a babysitter. Not to mention, the COST. Ugh.

    annie’s last blog post..Hooray for Hollywood

    Comment by annie - June 29, 2008 10:31 am

  21. I am going to join the rest and say it is your birthday you do what YOU want! And eat cake. Must have LOTS of cake ;)
    ocb’s last blog post..wootbeer

    Comment by ocb - June 29, 2008 12:48 pm

  22. Let her show up. And don’t forget to say,” Did I ever once say ‘YES?’ YOU were the one who said ‘It all works out–NOT ME!’”

    then tell her to go away and darken your doorstep no more!

    metalmom’s last blog post..Trapped?

    Comment by metalmom - June 29, 2008 1:09 pm

  23. I’m so sorry. I think you should have your boys with you on your birthday if that’s what you want - it’s YOUR birthday. I like a break as much as anyone, in fact I love the breaks I get when Sam goes to his Grandma’s. But there are certain days that are special to people. I wouldn’t want Sam to be gone on those days, and that’s my choice. I don’t want your birthday to suck! I want it to be awesome! I hope it works out.

    Rachael’s last blog post..SYTYCD: Top 16 Results Show

    Comment by Rachael - June 29, 2008 2:27 pm

  24. I can totally sympathize with you. I love spending time with my daughter, especially on special occasions. Sure there are days I make hubby take her out for a few hours but only twice in her precious life has she spent the night away from home.

    You should be able to spend YOUR birthday with who YOU want.

    Sending you a big huge hug, from one mom to another!

    Jen’s last blog post..Feedreaders

    Comment by Jen - June 29, 2008 6:56 pm

  25. Congrats!!!! I don’t remember why i changed it…..oh well.
    You are still the best mom i know!

    Comment by L.C. - June 29, 2008 7:09 pm

  26. Tell her no, she can have the boys Thursday and entertain their cousin for a night by herself. In fact, you can tell her she should be excited to have him?her? for a night alone so they can have quality time together, while you have quality time with your hub and kids.

    If she’d too overbearing for you to be straight with, celebrate Wednesday and shake off the gloomies.

    Formerly Fun’s last blog post..Spankenstein

    Comment by Formerly Fun - June 29, 2008 8:06 pm

  27. I enjoy having my kids around too. I also would be disappointed if they were’nt here for my birthday coming up in July.

    Summer’s last blog post..Green

    Comment by Summer - June 29, 2008 8:11 pm

  28. That really sucks. Just because she might not feel spending time with children is what she wants to do on her birthday, doesn’t mean that’s not what YOU want to do! I am the same as you (although I am not a mother) - I couldn’t imagine not spending birthdays with family - parents and kids included. It just makes it all the more special to be around the people you love.

    I truly hope you do celebrate and enjoy your birthday, and I’m sorry your kids won’t be there on the day.

    Katie’s last blog post..Glitter is a Man?s Best Friend!

    Comment by Katie - June 30, 2008 2:35 am

  29. If you want to be with your boys on your birthday, you should be. Your mother-in-law will have to suck it. She can have the kids on Thursday or not at all. Don’t do the passive-agressive thing; it’s as bad as her ignoring the fact that you wanted the kids with you on your day.

    Finn’s last blog post..Should Adam Marry Steve?: A Conversation With God

    Comment by Finn - June 30, 2008 7:51 am

  30. …”but I told her I needed to check with you first, that you might have plans…”
    That was considerate - up to the point that she ignored your answer!

    “No sticky boy kisses. No “Happy Birthday Mommy”.” That’s just plain wrong!

    Flat out tell her: “I told you I had plans. The boys will be delighted to come over on Thursday.”

    Comment by Peggy - June 30, 2008 10:17 am

  31. The main reason I enjoy your blog so much is because I absolutely adore your relationship with your boys.
    Your delight in their discoveries. Enjoying having fun with them. Reliving the delight of childhood. Letting them just “be” and not running hither and yon with a bunch of structured activities.
    So many people lose that childlike joy when we become adults. You haven’t. If that makes you a freak - good! The world should have a lot more parents who are freaks just like you! Our children would be much better off (and shrinks would be out of business…)

    Comment by Peggy - June 30, 2008 10:20 am

  32. Sorry, didn’t realize those posts were so full of ‘delight’ - I usually don’t repeat myself so much. Then again, maybe it’s because your boys are ‘delightful’.
    Have wonderful birthday, Blue - your way!

    Comment by Peggy - June 30, 2008 3:09 pm

  33. When I tell people I home school a large percentage of them (but a smaller percentage than the one that says “That’s a Stupid Thing to Do”) says, “how can you stand to spend that much time with your kid?” and “There’s no way I could do that.” My sister is one of those even. Why bother having kids if you don’t like them?

    I’ve never had this argument with MIL but darn, it is hard to stand up for myself with her.

    Marilyn’s last blog post..Manic Monday: Pride

    Comment by Marilyn - June 30, 2008 8:32 pm

  34. mkay, well, up until this summer when they all three went to summer school I’ve had at least one child with me at every waking hour, except a few hours here and there that they’ve gone to gramma’s house. So I would be one of those people who would jump at the chance to have a dinner out with just the hubby, HOWEVER, I DO require a birthday party that my children HAVE TO PLAN. My oldest now sets it all up so it’s even more fun. I’m not a stickler for days so it doesn’t matter to me when it all happens. But I have to have a party with my kiddos too.

    Carrie’s last blog post..Sometimes they are dolts.

    Comment by Carrie - June 30, 2008 10:41 pm

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