Sadness

I love Wal*Mart. I love their hours, I love how huge ass the stores are. I love that you can get anything you need and more in just one stop. I have read a million aught eight hate filled posts about Wal*Mart as a corporation, and Nine million more about the type of shoppers they attract.

Until tonight, I loved even the people who shop at Wal*Mart. Like the one time, when me and BFF Kissy were wasting a few hours just walking around and we saw this guy, he was about 18 and was just standing there, two different pairs of gloves in his hands while be bent over ever so studiously reading the, what? Instructions? On another pair. We could tell that that poor boy was feeling lost and alone. This was most likely the first time he had to go shopping and his Mamma wasn’t there to lend a hand. Me and BFF Kissy? We’re good people. When we someone in such obvious distress, we cannot help but to come to their aid.

And in this case, aid might have come in the form of us lobbing children’s mittens over the isles to see if we could bean him on the head. Or it might not have. You decide.

But tonight, we walked into Wal*Mart, Hadn’t gotten more than 20 feet from the entrance before this monstrosity in lime green spandex pants. Lime Green. Spandex. Pants. walked towards us, and that’s when I knew. That’s when it all of a sudden hit me.

Lime green spandex. In public. Without shame. The human species is doomed. There is no point in continuing on as we are. Don’t bother going to work tomorrow, get a head start on the looting.

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 03.24.2008
∗ Uncategorized

Comments: 21 »

  1. Ooh, I’ve always wanted to be a looter. I’m making out my game plan now!

    Sheila’s last blog post..Oh yeah, its a Bulleted post? get over it.

    Comment by Sheila - March 24, 2008 11:06 pm

  2. I assure you that when I wear MY lime green spandex, it’s totally hot. :grin:

    Comment by Dave2 - March 24, 2008 11:42 pm

  3. Well, you had to learn your lesson about WalMart eventually, I’m just sorry it had to be this way.

    Robin’s last blog post..Who IS Kevin?

    Comment by Robin - March 25, 2008 6:10 am

  4. I have seen worse at the Tar Jay, like no undergarments white tank top shorty shorts, and she wasn’t wearin a size small, hell she was lucky to be squeezing into a 3x, and the girls were droopin’. Some people just have no clue…..classlessness knows no shopping bounds. :grin:
    maria’s last blog post..ps

    Comment by maria - March 25, 2008 6:46 am

  5. Dave took my comment. :mad:

    Comment by Finn - March 25, 2008 7:55 am

  6. I stopped reading after your first sentence. :mrgreen:
    Avitable’s last blog post..The Toes Have It

    Comment by Avitable - March 25, 2008 8:10 am

  7. EWW!! Did you see all the dimples in the jiggling cellulite? NAAAS-TEEE! :shock:
    Metalmom’s last blog post..God Punk?d Me

    Comment by Metalmom - March 25, 2008 8:18 am

  8. We see someone equally shocking everytime we go to Wal*Mart. One of us will mention to the other, “What about that guy?” :lol:
    ajooja’s last blog post..‘I Say, That’s a Joke, Son’

    Comment by ajooja - March 25, 2008 8:46 am

  9. Message to lime-green-at-Wal-Mart and the 3X-at-TarJay:
    Just because the store is selling it, doesn’t mean YOU are the one who should be buying it!
    Unfortunately, those people aren’t classy enough to be reading this blog.
    Le sigh….

    Comment by Peggy - March 25, 2008 9:36 am

  10. I never thought I’d say this, but after living in Germany for 4 month now -I miss Walmart. Even with the lime green spandex, I’ll take my chances.

    Diane Mandy’s last blog post..A friend in need

    Comment by Diane Mandy - March 25, 2008 9:52 am

  11. Better lime green spandex than a stained sweatsuit.

    Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Vacationland!

    Comment by Mr. Fabulous - March 25, 2008 9:58 am

  12. Oh! The HUMANITY! :shock:
    annie’s last blog post..Give Sue the Banana

    Comment by annie - March 25, 2008 10:15 am

  13. I thought they stopped making spandex after the 80’s were over!

    Jen’s last blog post..Le Sigh

    Comment by Jen - March 25, 2008 10:16 am

  14. omg no lime green and spandex do not mix, no bright color and spandex mix for that matter lol

    Anne’s last blog post..Yup it sure is Monday

    Comment by Anne - March 25, 2008 10:59 am

  15. I wish I would have read this before I went to work today. One question, was the lime green monster male or female?

    Shelli’s last blog post..4000

    Comment by Shelli - March 25, 2008 11:08 am

  16. …lime green spandex, that was purchased at Wal Mart.

    Trishk’s last blog post..Oh Dear

    Comment by Trishk - March 25, 2008 11:31 am

  17. All I can say is…yes we are our own worst enemy and we will be the cause of our own extinction. But like the cochroach WAL MART will still be here.

    Trukindog’s last blog post..How I spent my Easter weekend or Truck Driver by choice mechanic by necessity

    Comment by Trukindog - March 25, 2008 6:07 pm

  18. Ummm… even if it was fraccy green, it was not me. I promise. I wasn’t at WalMart that day blue, and anyway… I’m sure you’d recognize me. I’m the one who walks around with that big ole green pair of lips and the word fracas scribbled all over my face.

    But what’s wrong with all your readers who seem to… to… to not like WalMart?

    fracas’s last blog post..Hillary Clinton?s Amazing Family History

    Comment by fracas - March 26, 2008 3:16 am

  19. My husband is the only person I know that looks good in spandex… he wears it only in the form of bicycle shorts and only when actually bicycling (which he does fanatically and that is why it looks good on hime). Really, they should require photographic proof that you would look good in it before they sell it to you.

    Comment by marilyn - March 26, 2008 12:19 pm

  20. i cant think of anything to say other than …….icky, nasty…and so so wrong that right up with……shudders….speedos

    Comment by auntys - March 26, 2008 11:28 pm

  21. I love Walmart too. The Walmart I usually go to has a Dunkin Donuts and I love their coffee. I’m sorry for your traumatic green spandex experience. I hope you’re okay. Your spandex experience reminded me how difficult it is to find good quality clothes these days. Why do they make jeans with waistlines that are so low they practically slide off you ass? Why are people wearing clothes that are 2 or 3 sizes too small? I don’t get it.

    Comment by sarah - March 28, 2008 4:11 pm

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