In a roundabout way, George was glad that he lost his keys. This was mostly because he knew his wife wanted to go to the local restaurant to ask if they had found her dentures yet.

It wasn’t the fact that they had already been there twice that day looking for her false teeth, and couldn’t go back again now that made him glad. No, what really made him glad was that she had no teeth at all… and why that should make him glad is a story for another day.

But today’s gladness came because his old Army buddy was coming for a visit. He couldn’t wait to sit back with a cold beer and reminisce about old times. Like the time they hitchhiked all the way from Memphis to New Orleans, and along the way they met that woman with the snake.

She told them that one time she had learned to skillfully slither down a poll from watching her hairless friend, and as a result earned a lucrative career as a dancer.

They were curious about her tale and were planning to make a TV movie about it, either on Showtime or on WE. They offered her a substantial deal and promised her fame and fortune. She hoped she could be as famous as Paris Hilton someday and have her own sex tape.

That was until One of them looked a little closer at her and realized that “she” had an adam’s apple. His army buddy hiked up the “woman’s” skirt and sure enough–penis!

“Damn it,” he exclaimed. “Do you know how turned on that I am? I never knew that I was bisexual until I saw your penis under that skirt! Do you think that I could look as good in a skirt as you do?”

“Why, sure!” said the shemale. And off they went to find a place to consummate their newfound attraction, leaving George behind.

Now, George wondered if his excitement at seeing his friend had something to do with that incident. Or was he just really horny? After all, it had been quite awhile since Marge had given him a gummer. Perhaps there would be more to this evening than a cold beer and good conversation.

When George saw his friend Bob walk into the room, he immediately knew what kind of night he was in for, because Bob was pushed through the door by Marge who spryly leaped over him, grabbed George’s pet ferret, Bambi, and screamed:

“Give me your dentures or Bambi gets it!”

Thinking quickly, Bob’s uncle Melvin (who’s had had a thing for George since 1953) grabbed Marge and making her drop Bambi in the process. He pinned her arms to her sides. Bob ripped Marge’s dress off in one solid motion. Both Bob and George looked Marge up and down from head to toe. Bob and George threw their arms around each other and walked out of the room leaving Marge speechless on the floor. “Well, What the fuck??” She sputtered. “This hasn’t happened to me since the the time Mildred, Fred and Gus were here and we drank 3 bottles of Vodka.

Marge still needed her dentures, and now she had to find that fucking ferret before the boys found a glass pipe a lighter and the little furry fucker themselves!

Thinking fast, Marge got up, went to the cupboard and grabbed a tin of Spam. Ferrets like spam, don’t they? She set the opened can on the floor and waited. Sure enough, the beady eyed freak scurried out from under the sofa where he had been hiding and made a beeline for the spam.

With a shriek of glee, Marge grabbed the rodent and tossed him into the oven. Don’t worry PETA. the oven was off.

Now if only she could find those damn dentures!

Deciding to enlist the guys in her search she wandered from the room. Becuase she could hear strange sounds coming from the back of the house, thats where she was headed. To her utter dismay, there was Bob, the missing dentures - lubed and precariously lodged in his ass - and George.

Marge sighed. If she wanted her dentures back, she was gonna need a cup.

Many, many thanks to
Angry, Blogarita, Diane Mandy, Robin, Mr.Fabulous, Shelli, Y not I, Miss Ann Thorpe, Anne, Metal Mom and Nobody. Without your sick and twisted minds, I would have had to come up with a post today all by myself.

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 01.22.2008
∗ Uncategorized