So I got the results of my blood tests back today. Sorta. There was not much they were willing to tell me over the phone.

They do know it is not my thyroid. And that the problem is with my heart. Or more to the point, how my heart pumps blood.

Not going to say much more on this topic, at least not until I know more about it.

Monday I have to schedule a few tests and we will plan from there.

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 10.26.2007
∗ DocToc, I'm Important too, Oh Noes
∗ Comments (0)

I have this friend. I will call her redpaintblue.

But I want to reassure you it is not me, and really. Would I lie to you?

In an case, my friend was telling me that last night after her bath. What? I am so not the only person in Canada who likes bathing! ANYWAY. Quit interrupting. I got She got out of the bath and went to her room to get dressed. But she noticed an ugly red bump on her vaginal area. Yuck. An ingrown hair.

So my friend was feeling lazy, and instead of getting up and getting a pin or a pair of tweezers to remove that pesky hair, she took this cute little pocket exact-o knife from her bedside table - No I didn’t ask her why she had an exact-o knife in her bedside table. Just shut up and let me type!

She figured she could just use the pointy sharp end of the blade and nic it out real quick like, but her hand slipped and she cut herself.

The public service announcement bit?

If you do not want to go to the clinic to get two quick stitches on your vagina, please do not use a knife of any kind near it.

If you do? Your seriously fucked up. The doctor WILL laugh at you when you or uhm, your friend, tries to explain.

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 10.25.2007
∗ I'm a Dumbass, I'm a big baby
∗ Comments (24)

I tucked my boys into bed with kisses and cuddles completely unaware of a ghastly murder that had taken place just moments before. I was to remain unaware of the crime through out the tucking in, the picking up of that days dirty clothes and the picking out of outfits for the next day.

Still unaware of the carnage that awaited me, I walked wearily up the stairs, fists pressed into my lower back, images of a good book and a HOT bath drowsily running through my mind.

However, my relaxing bath was not to be. I opened the door to the bathroom, crossed to the tub, arm reaching for the hot water tap, only to see blue. Blue on the side of the tub, blue in the tub. Blue on the top of the toilet. Blue on my good towels. The ones the children are not to use.

The remains of a deadly explosion were spread on ever surface you can imagine. The floor, the sink, the wall, my hair brush. Even the dog, who had followed me into the bathroom and was now rolling in ecstasy, grinding sticky blue -now with fresh strips! toothpaste into her fur.

Joy.

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 10.24.2007
∗ Horror, I'm Important too, Puppy, lolkids
∗ Comments (25)

I was sitting there, minding my own business (which translates loosely to “losing at solitaire”) when he walked in. He specifically asked “How are you doing today?”

“Actually, I feel horrible, I think I’m falling apart, but, hey, thanks for asking” Then I turned off my iPod and took off my shirt.

He took me by the hand and laid me down on the bed and started to fondle my chest with his stethoscope, and then sat me up and started to bang me with his big, hard hammer, after that, he asked me to open wide and filled my mouth with wood.

Then we just sat and talked for a bit. It was nice.

Not many guys just want to talk anymore.

Pee ess: He sent me for some blood work. He hopes it is my thyroid. If it isn’t, I have to see a neurologist. The lab tech said to call in two days.

Pee pee ess: My doctor is hot.

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 10.23.2007
∗ DocToc, I'm Important too
∗ Comments (19)

Would it be so terrible if I set my kids up for a crime they did not commit? Would I be such a bad mom if I lay awake in bed plotting out the most tiny details of my scheme?

I mean. If the child who were to take the fall was.. oh say, three, there isn’t much a parent could do about it, right? and in fact, should I follow through on my nefarious doings, It would make a cute blogging story, provided I brainwashed who ever read this entry.

You see, my problem is simply bad planning. We went shopping last Saturday and one of the items on our list was Halloween Candy.

Little mini bite sizes of deliciousness, sitting in my pantry with not a care in the world.

What we neglected to also purchase was some candy to keep me from The Candy!

I was thinking that I could maybe sneak a few here and there, and just hide the wrappers under the baby’s bed. Then, come the thirty first when we set everything up I am sure I would be able to act surprised that it is all gone.

The Husband and I would then embark on an amusing hunt for the culprit and giggle over the audacity of a three year old who is able to sneak The Candy away and hide the evidence from his parents.

Now. About that Brainwashing…

You are getting sleeepy, Very sleeepppyyy

∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 10.22.2007
∗ I'm a Dumbass
∗ Comments (15)