This post has no title unless you count this as a title in which case the “Might be a Title” makes no sense and you would be better off not paying any Attention to it at all.
It was Tuesday today, and in particular, Tuesday, July 31st, the day that 300 finally comes out on DVD in stores. The Husband and I spent this Tuesday watching the glorious epic movie about warrior sausage encased in leather, and debated whether or not his parents would like to come over one evening in the near future, and watch it with us.
I mean honestly, what, besides the God King, the extremely sensual sex scenes and the severed body parts could a hyper religious couple have against it? Just becuase they think The Simpsons are a product of Satan’s spawn does not mean they would disprove of 300.
Right?
(Someone needs to talk some sense into my husband - I nominate you)
Let me begin my recount of our vacation disaster by saying this:
For almost two months we talked to the boys every day about our trip. We talked about the pool, the water slide, roasting marshmallows and seeing the stars. We took out pictures of previous trips and discussed how Blue Boy’s first trip took place when he was five weeks old.
Once a year, my husbands company has a two week shut down for maintenance on the building and other such things, and each year we take that time to go camping somewhere, even if it is for only a night.
The children look forward to having mom and dad be un-distracted by game systems and the internet, And we look forward to a relaxing few days with just the kids and nothing else.
Some of you have said that camping is no vacation, but to us, If we were given the choice of camping under the stars and going to bed with dirty,dusty feet and bellies full of marshmallows or a five star resort, we would pick camping with no hesitation.
Seeing my boys faces when we had to tell them we had to pack up and leave, watching Rainbow Man’s lip quiver as he tried to hold in tears. Hearing him apologize to me that the camping trip was a bust over and over again, becuase he knew we were looking so forward to it, it broke my freaking heart.
Reading yesterdays comments made me realize there are way worse things that can happen then what we dealt with, but I am still upset and I won’t apologize for it to anyone.
I don’t care if some of you decide to email me and accuse me of being melodramatic and blowing things out of proportion. To US, it IS a big deal.
Stuff that in your pipe and smoke it!
Thursday night we went to the city and picked up BFF Kissy and her trailer. Friday, The husband started work at fiveAM and Kissy and I packed the gear. The boys are hyper excited.
Finally, after such a long long wait, we were going.
We missed our turn off and The husband and Kissy had a great time laughing and threatening me with Valium. I’m not a very good passenger! When we finally realized we were going the wrong way, we had added a full hour to our trip and ended up at the Park Gates at about four thirty. Life was good.
And then the car stalled and would not start.
Temperatures ranged in the 100f mark, and all of the water and what-not was buried in the trunk of the car. The kids were very hot, over-excited and very hot. It was also very hot.
We assumed that the car overheated, and let it rest for ten minutes that turned into almost an hour. Have I mentioned that the car was hot?
It took us another hour to go the two miles from the gate to the park office where you pay for the site. We had to stop quite a few times to let the car cool.
During all of this time, we watched person after person pass us and get their site. By the time we arrived, all of the electric, and non electric sites were full.
No matter. Last time we were here, Overflow was the same as a non electric site, minus the trees for privacy.
Unfortunately, The Provincial park had change things since we had been there last.
Over flow was now a large field beside a swamp. No fire pits, no picnic tables, no washrooms, nothing.
So there we sit, a car we cannot trust, it’s hotter than hades outside, and we don’t know what to do. We are also a little confused. Why would they put us in overflow when twenty feet to our left is whats called group camping. Its a big field, just like over flow, but each site has a fire pit. And it’s empty.
With out the fire, you have no food and you have no heat. You have no reason to sit up with sleepy eyed children on your knee talking about anything and everything. Camping and fire go hand in hand.
We sat there, unsure of what to do, and finally decided we should set up the tent and trailer. Make the best of it, though God only knows how we are going to feed the kids.
And thats when the little park worker drove up in her golf cart and invited the family next to us (the only other people in overflow) to move to the group camping site. She stops by us, and we were expecting her to tell us the same thing, instead, she asks how we are (fucking DUH - Horrible!) We asked if we could move like the other family and she told us that they are not allowed to let people move.
When we said but you just let them, she looked blank and said, “but I can’t let people move to group camping, its the rules”.
So. Now we are mad, but what can we do right? We continue to set up camp talking about how we are going to get the trailer and BFF Kissy home by Sunday - she had to be back at work for Monday.
We can’t pull the trailer with the car and risk being stuck on the side of the highway in the heat. We ended up calling around, and got a hold of BFF Kissy’s mom. Only, the only night she was able to pick up the trailer was that night.
Decision time. Do we stay or do we go? Leaving then means the kids are upset, but if we stay, how do we feed them? Sure we packed snacks, but I was not going to let the children eat chips for three days! Also. If we leave now, we have someone to follow us home so we don’t have to worry about three kids in a hot car and a deserted highway.
Stay and no food and no safe way home. Or leave.
We chose to leave.
Ahh. It’s good to be home.. although.. something smells like pee in here. Seems to be coming from the directions of the sinks.. but that can’t be right… Can it?
Alright. Fine. I have a confession to make.
We left Friday afternoon on our Camping extravaganza and arrived home That Same Damn Friday night; boys in tears (I was too).
I opened my front door and saw Fab doing things to my poor little vacuum cleaner. I thought it best just to leave and stay at a motel until he was done his “house-sitting”.
I can’t talk to about our vacation publicly until I have contacted..someone in charge. It’s a government owned park, so I assume I will end up taking it to that level. Or beyond.
We had some.. mishaps on our vacation.
Basically it was The.Worst.Vacation.Ever.
Or was it?
Tell me about your worst vacation ever!
Never know. It might just make me feel better about this whole fiasco!
Fab here again. Living large in the Great White North.
You know what’s great about housesitting? Having the freedom to pee in the sink. I love that. I’ve peed in the bathroom sinks and the kitchen sink and the sink in the laundry room..although that may have been the dryer, I’m not sure.
And late last night I may have been a little confused and groggy and peed in the lettuce crisper. I’m kinda afraid to look.
I’ve torn this place apart looking for stashes of money, and I found a few, but it’s all Canadian money. What am I supposed to do with this? Phht.
There might be a few more pubic hairs on the soap than there were before I got here, but they probably won’t notice that. They might notice the pubic hair on the TV remote and the toaster, though.
Don’t ask.
Have you ever tried to suck yourself off with the vacuum? That was sooo much fun! I yanked my johnson out of there just in time to spew love juice all over the couch. I’m sure that will come right out.
Ha! Come right out! Get it? Come…oh never mind.
I think I like housesitting. It’s very relaxing. I hope to do more of it. I hope Blue will give me a good reference.
Well, I gotta go. The family will be home tonight, and I need to make sure I rub my nethers over everything in the house before they arrive. Hey, it takes longer than you might think.
So…when do I get to housesit for YOU?
Mr. Fab here.
I hope you guys can read this. I have never guest posted on a Canadian blog. I don’t know how to read or write Canadian. I can only hope that there is some sort of translation plug-in installed here that is automatically changing the American words to Canadian.
Jesus, this place is a mess. She sure doesn’t clean much, does she? And all these dead baby seal carcasses are really starting to stink. And what is this on the walls? Jelly? I think it’s grape jelly. How does grape jelly get on the walls? Is that a Canadian thing?
Am I going to have to learn the metric system now? I don’t like hockey. Am I going to have to watch a lot of hockey?
Hold on a minute. Ahhh…yes. This is what I’ve been looking for. Mmmm….Blue’s underwear drawer. Mmmm….her panties smell divine. Hopefully there are still some dirty ones waiting for the laundry. I’ll take a few of those babies home with me.
Shhh…don’t tell her.
Maybe I should masturbate into a few of her clean pairs and put them back for her to find. After all, she did tell me to just be myself over here and not do anything different.
Damn, I need to remember to get the decaffeinated coffee out of the car. I’m going to dump out all her regular coffee and pour in the unleaded stuff. Thing should get pretty interesting here when she returns.
I wonder which side of the bed she sleeps on. Oh wait, I can tell. It’s the one with all the sweat stains on the sheets and the drool spots on the pillow. Hmm…it’s stinkier on her side of the bed, too. I don’t even want to know why.
What do we have in the nightstand here? Ah, a vibrator with the word “Fab” written on it with magic marker. Well, who can blame the poor girl for fantasizing about me? Ooh, and a butt plug with “Avitable” written on it. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time Avi and I nailed the same chick.
I guess for now I’ll curl up in their bed and take a nap. I’ll sleep on the hubby’s side. No stains over here. Well, not yet. I’m a bedwetter.
I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll let you know what else I find here.
