I don’t think one can ever be too dramatic. But I do have a problem.
We have an apartment sized deep freeze. I love it becuase I can buy more than two loaves of bread at a time, but I hate it becuase I am too short to reach into the bottom of it to get crap out, so, honestly, I know there is tons of shit down there freezer burnt and wasted.
Run on sentence much?
I want to buy an up right deep freezer. I want it more than I want coffee in the morning. I dream of it at night and doodle food placement maps for each shelf while I am on the phone. I’ve priced them out and caressed them lovingly at stores. It’s OK, I’ve only dry humped one once. It was silver and shiny and taller than me. I got an instant hard on when I saw it.
Come to think about it, the husband hasn’t let me go back to that particular store. I wonder why…
The problem is, My husband has started thinking for himself. The Nerve!
He mentioned that I was planning on buying one to some fucktard at work. The same fucktard who welded his wedding ring - You know that thing they are not allowed to wear at work? - yea that, to his finger. Would you trust his opinion on anything?
I didn’t think so.
So The fucktard cyborg from work told my husband that upright deep freezers waste way more power than standard chest deep freezes. Apparently a chest deep freezer will work more efficiently when it is full of food, and since you cannot rearrange the shelves in an upright, you cannot fill them as full, it wastes power.
And then. Then the fuckborg told him to imagine opening the freezer on the fridge. Cus the food tends to attack your toes in those. Then multiply the toe attack by how many shelves?
Apparently neither the jerk from work nor my husband have paid any attention to my meticulous shelf planning, have they?
Whatever.
JitteryJoe asked me to put it to you guys.
Do any of you have uprights? Do you like them? Have you seen any problems regarding power and the stack-ability of food? Heard any horror stories from friends and family? Bottom line, I guess, If you had to buy a freezer all over again, would you choose an upright or a chest?
He doesn’t want to shell out the money only to discover they are a piece of shit.
I guess that makes sense. I fucking hate it when he gets logical!
He got awesome gifts which were immediately all given the name “MINE! DON’T TOUCH DAT!!1!”
Seconds after I stopped taping this:
He said “I will get it!” and grabbed the candle out of the cake. It had a pool of melted wax on its top and he spilled it along his neck and hand. He did NOT get burnt! Not even a red mark!
The candle, a number three, like the two and one before it, has been used on Stuperman’s two older brother’s cakes as well. I still have the number’s one and two in my freezer and three will join them after it has been washed, even though there will be no more babies to use it. Maybe the kids wont mind using them when they are teens?? Should I save them for my grandkids? Do normal people save candles for something that may or may not happen in the next twenty to thirty years?
He got a set of Superman Motion Activated Gloves. Whenever he had them on his voice and posture changed. He would bend the “steel” bar that came with the set and pretend like it was really hard. His face looked like he was taking a crap and he would groan “I’m using my man muscles“. I am planning on taping him tomorrow!
He went to bed with every gift he got. Each one had to have a pillow and a blanket. And a kiss. This was rather difficult to do. The finding of pillows not the kissing!
On another note, for those of you who blogline Paint! I’d like to apologize for the increase of posts. Fab tuned me into a new Paid Blogging company, Smorty. Sorry I’m such a blog whore. But think of it this way, Paid blogging bought me these today!
(That means you need to read it, becuase I’m important.)
I know I am becuase my post categories tells me so.
I am absolutely stunned and amazed at the amount raised so far For Dawg. Almost 2000 dollars.
Nothing can help Dawg get over his son’s death, becuase, Honestly, can a parent get over the death of a child? They say that having a child is like living with your heart on the outside of your body. Hopefully, with the money the blogging community has raised, it will help him with the financial details that go hand in hand with a death. Maybe it can take some of the worry off his heart so he can devote it wholly to his grief.
If you have not left a comment of strength yet for Dawg, please do so here. And please, Donate.
I have an unfortunate habit of reallyreally getting into movies.
If I watch a horror, I am scared of my own shadow. I jump and my heart pounds and I put a large knife under my pillow. If I watch funny movies, I get the giggles, everything is freaking hilarious. The dude playing Dawn Of Mana on the couch right now says when I am giggly its like I am high.
Here, I will show you:
Uh…Avitable? Please don’t read this. I don’t fix typos or really pay attention to keys at all when I am on chat. So uhm yea. If you do read it, don’t bitch to me!
10:25 PM
Shelli: Hey, girly
me: ack im here but its hard to tpe stupid Y
Shelli: why?
me: cus im laughing so hard im shaking and i cant catch my breath and i think theres both pee and snot going on here
Shelli: why are you laughing lol wierdo
me: cus we went for a smoke and we took the cat with us to the garage’ and introduced her to bubbles she is liek WTF mate?
Shelli: lol i bet she loved them
me: omg nO nonono freaked her the fick out. we thingk she thinks she ishigh or soemthing the jumping and screaming an d HISSSSSSSss claw run and hid in the bike LOOOOLLLO am I high? can you get high from watching a movie? I think you can
Shelli: no i don’t think so
me: yes. yes i think you can. go ask the husband type dude you have hes a copper he will know wait you are in teh medical profession. are my eyes dilatedright now> ?
Shelli: you can get high from smoking a cigarette when you haven’t had one in awhile no your eyes aren’t dilated right now
me:how can you tell? i was blinking while ou looked
me: nope. nope its the mocvie
Shelli: Shannon, why are you smoking?!
me:cus i only lasted 91 hours of that particular hell cus i suck ass yup im a bad quitter. but only losers quit, right? sigh
Shelli: there is a new drug that makes cigs taste bad
me: you are going to verbally spank me now, arent ou> zyban makes me ill
Shelli: not zyban char something chartrus
me: well hats helpful
Shelli: or something like that
me: my cat is still looking for bubbles from her hidey hole
Shelli: i will figure it out tomorrow and tell you what it is
me: its making me giggle if I was wearing panties, it would bebetter
Shelli: my cat freaks out about laser pointers she is weird lol
me: ROLF
Shelli: at you
me: gonna get my kitten stoned ont eh nip and shot lazers onto the bubbles dont laugh at me, i have feelings, they are just covered int eh giggles right now
Shelli: she makes this weird noise that is a cross between meowing and hissing me: hey hey you tpe what
Shelli: what?
me: wanna be my blog post?
10:41 PM
Y’all feel free to go over and commiserate with Shelli over my horrid typos and general oddities.
