So yea. I remembered to ask RM the Sunday six questions (hilarity) but forgot the other two. I’ll do better tomorrow, I promise.
********/BREAKING NEWS********
And now, back to our scheduled program :
If Pets Kept Diaries
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In attempt to disgust them; I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe……. for now…
∗ Posted by bluepaintred on 02.26.2007
∗ E-Mail Jokes, Videos
Love the first video! Too freakin’ cute!
Amazingly, as I was watching it, our cat, who is one of the least affectionate kitties I’ve ever met, came up and started nuzzling my arm and wanting some attention. I think he wants me to put him in a crate or a box or something….
Comment by Violet - February 26, 2007 9:58 pm
Violet Its a well known fact that cats love boxes.
Comment by Bluepaintred - February 26, 2007 10:00 pm
I watched that first video and then my cat in the microwave. I shall miss him.
Comment by Bice - February 26, 2007 11:45 pm
bice Here at BPR we are going for a more alive and urring look verses the dead and exploded one. Im sure you understand
Comment by Bluepaintred - February 27, 2007 8:00 am
purrung. alive and Purring look
Comment by Bluepaintred - February 27, 2007 8:01 am
this has always been a favorite of mine
Comment by Sparky Duck - February 27, 2007 9:18 am
I read this entire thing in the voice of Stewie Griffin from “The Family Guy.” Tee hee.
Comment by Finn - February 27, 2007 9:25 am
This is so funny! Elevated cell. LOL I’m fairly certain our cat thinks our dog is retarded as well, but then so does the rest of the family.
Comment by Amy - February 27, 2007 11:34 am
Huh, I didn’t realize you and my cats had met.
Comment by Katherine - February 27, 2007 12:16 pm
Sparky Duck which one? the videos or the joke in the email? I admit it, i cut the email joke in half. I took out the dog diary LOL
Finn Id leave my husband for stewie. Im in love with him
Amy it’s a dogs perogitive to act dumb. they are actually very smart. They plan on taking over the world and the only thing in their way is the cats !
Katherine Cats are sneaky like that. little buggers party all night
Comment by Bluepaintred - February 27, 2007 1:17 pm
cats are awesome. give ‘em a box and they’re entertained for hours.
Comment by Webmiztris - February 27, 2007 1:33 pm
So that’s why my cats keep throwing up. I had no idea that they felt that way. I’ll have to stop feeding them. =)
Comment by Monkee - February 27, 2007 7:44 pm
WebMizwe had a kitten one time. She was a pouncy kitten. with very sharp pointed baby kitten teeth. One night she wormed her way inder the covers. She saw a box and wanted to play. I woke up with my labia pierced.
New rule. No kittens in bed.
Monkee for the love of Gawd, please, please watch your back when you are by the stairs!
Comment by Bluepaintred - February 27, 2007 9:35 pm
I swear to God that I commented on this post. I laughed hysterically. Why did my comment not show up. It is probably because I got distracted and forgot to comment. I am brain damaged, I am sure.
Comment by Shelli - March 2, 2007 12:04 am