(2:30 pm)And so are my towels. We are in the middle of a serious towel shortage, and I have three closets FULL of towels. Right now I am using a sheet while the towels are in the dryer - dirty, cus I don’t have time to wash them.
(4:30pm) If the rain does not stop soon I will cry. The wind is driving it straight against the door at sixty miles an hour. Dammit. Oh, wait, did I forget to mention one tiny detail?
This is all our fault.
We are lazy bastards. Waaaaay back in October when we bought this house we saw we needed to re-caulk where the laminate meets the exterior doors. The Other Half has a real aversion to playing with caulk and we both didn’t want the house smelling like caulk, so it never got done.
So now It is supposed to rain all tonight and tommorrow and then snow…. fuckers! But funnily enough about five minutes before it started to rain the other day, I had Blue Boy kill a spider for me. So It may be double my fault!
(8:55pm) the rain has slowed considerably. Really its just spitting. I have a stack of dirty but dry towels incase the wind picks up tommorrow. FIL brought over a space heater (which I hate) to try and dry up the laminate and the wood under it. Space heaters are dangerous and I want to sneak up and unplug it.
Too wet to haiku
Ducky has played in the water
Bad, naughty duck,
I took the VISA
Snatched it from you’re purse
I bought out the stores
And now you will dread
The she-mailman’s heavy tread
She will bring the bills
I should not have bought
a car, an Apple, a big TV?
You will pay for me!
Yesterday I asked y’all to Guess the Torture. Good job RoxDar! You guessed Duct Tape.
Here is Your name up in lights:
Who wants to guess todays? Its pretty easy… almost spelled out for you …
Edit: OMG. /Edit
I’m a bit concerned about the water drip drip dripping from my basement roof.
Wow. An exhausting day. It’s hard work, this kidnapping gig.It has been very wet and windy here. It was way too hot in the house, but the wind was blowing the rain in the windows…. all the windows. How is this even possible?
We had “meet the teacher night” at Rainbow Man’s school. his classroom is colorful and nice, and I like the teacher. I brought up some concerns and she took me seriously, so yay. Also we had to sign up for parent teacher conferences. WTF is with that? Its the first part of september…sheesh
Hey did you know it is super easy to qualify as a spy in Canada? Cus My BFF Kiss just got her papers last night. I can’t tell you what agency she works for, cus she’d have to kill me … or somthing. All you need to do is move into a building two plus years before the retards people upstairs do.
Hmmm… yea so my sister lives in the same building as Kiss. Kiss moved in while I was six or so months pregnant with the brat Stuperman, so almost three years. My sister moved in about two months ago. Therefor Kiss is a spy.. but she doesn’t get cool gadgets, and she said even if she did, she would not let me borrow them. Anyway My Genius sister accused Kiss of “spying” on them. Should I remind her she is the one who gave me her current address, NOT Kiss? Should I ask her if her dingleberry BF told her that Me, Hubs and the kids saw him exiting the building ~ and he saw us? Or that when I pick up Kiss for our weekly coffee date, I can see them canoodling on the balcony? Nah… Why ruin her fantasy!
Yes, we do freaky ass things on our dates.
So on to more interesting things… like torure and mayhem…. Duck Tales Awoo-oo…
Poor little Ducky.
They have left you here with me.
Nobody loves you.
Sticky yucky tape
covering up your yellow face.
Can’t cry for help now
What fun torture is
can you guess what I did?
All tied in tape, Duck
So many mean things
I will do to you, sad duck.
No one can stop me
Feel free to take Guesses on what this duck related torture is named…. There are no prizes for being smart, it’s rather obvious.
EDIT: Want to see the Ducky owner beg me for mercy? It’s Grade A entertainment. Visit her blog!
I am headed down the slippery slope of morality. Soon I will be reduced to blogging about my shower activities with Big Bertha on the prison computer. Do prisons have computers? I have committed a crime. Or am about to I should Say. No backing down from this once I hit that big old publish button. It will be on display for the world to see!! Am I sorry? No, or at least not yet. Ask me again when if the authorities find out.
Cops don’t go online, right?
I am not sure what the penalty for Kidnapping and Torture are in my Provence, so I am asking you all, from one friend to another… Don’t rat me out to the Donut Boys!
And Now I present to you all, in the very first step I take as a criminal master mind, for You’re veiwing pleasure,
The Duck
From this point on, I will only discuss my crime in Haiku, Because all great Criminal Masterminds have their own unique “Signature”.
I took the ducky.
Stolen from that precious baby
will I set him free?
Will I make demands
of diamonds, jewels, cash and cars?
No, nothing like that.
I plan to torture
my fowl rubbery foe
Quack for mercy, Duck!
Dear ducky owner,
Contact me, or the duck dies.
That yellow Quacker
(a story of luck)
I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, quite a lot indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable.
One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations.
So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. So before I got married and committed my life to her daughter, she wanted to make love to me just once.
What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
So, she said, I’ll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door… I opened it, and stepped out of the house.
Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased; you have passed our little test. We couldn’t have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car.
