Sometimes twitter is perfect. A 140 character netspot is the perfect place for a well placed death threat. 140 characters is also a great place to announce a family members imminent death, to bitch about laundry, and to announce a new love. But sometimes, 140 characters just doesn’t cut it.
That never actually stops me though, because I don’t care if it takes me eighteen updates to make my point! However, upon reflection, I think a multitweet I made today deserves a spot on BPR.
Because today I Tweeted about Bob.
….. A few weeks ago, just when the weather started turning REALLY cold I had gone out to the garage for a Cigarette. Before I could sit in my chair, I noticed a black speck and leaned in to brush it off. Much to my surprise, the speck was no speck at all, but a fly! And his wee frozen legs were twitching! I put my smoke down without lighting it, and rushed Bob inside.
It only took Bob a few minutes to warm up; sure he flew like he had been drinking for a week, but he was flying!
I decided right then and there that Bob would be free to co-exist with us until spring, when we would release him back into the wild. It was my hope that we would all look at him gracefully gliding through the air, bonking into walls and windows, and be reminded of summer, that there was hope, that the -40 days would someday end and we would be able to go outside again without fear of frostbite.
Bob lived with us peacefully, for three days, mostly ignoring us. He spent a lot of time trying to perfect the art of blending his black body into the white ceiling. I looked forward to spending the next few months with him.
I was actually on Teh Interwebs google-ing the life span of a fly when Bob died.
You see, when we welcomed Bob into our home, we forgot to tell the cat that it was unacceptable to make THIS fly into her after dinner mint.
Tommy Broke his neck when he fell from a tree stand on September 20th 2003. For the past five years he has been paralyzed from the neck down. The van that Tommy uses now to leave the house requires three people to load him and his chair in, and he has to be laying almost all the way back to fit.
I know that everyone has been affected by the nasty economic woes and what nots, but if we all chip in just a little bit….
I have a new nephew! His parents aren’t too fond of the big scary interwebs, so no pictures, but I can tell you he is darn cute! He and his mama are doing wonderfully!
Speaking of birthdays, the countdown is on ’til Micah turns the big three oh. Eleven more days.
The boys and I have been bugging the shit out of him since last year when he turned 29 that 30 is OLD. Like really old. Older than dirt,old and I need a cake that conveys the oldness of the occasion.
A diamond shaped Viagra cake is too cliche, plus trying to explain Viagra to a nine year old would be the opposite of fun. I thought about making one in the shape of a walker, but that sounds like a lot of work. I’m afraid that a cake in the shape of a cane will end up looking more like a candy cane so what do I do? Any idea’s?
My fallback idea is doing up a cake in the shape of his PS3 controller, but that is soooooo not keeping in the theme of his depends wearing, food gumming advanced age.
And yes, in six months when I turn 30, Micah fully plans on bugging me about it.
Just a few minutes ago I was attacked by a chair. Thank god Smokey was there to protect me.
…
No. Seriously, the chair has a little arm to move the seat up or down, Micah had been on it, so I went to adjust it to my height (Micah is a foot taller than me) and Smokey went berserk on the chair. The chair has been there for four days now, and I was even holding onto Smokey last night letting her pull me round the room on the chair with no problems, but the up/down motion has apparently terrified the ever loving shit out of her.
She will let me sit on it, but only if we let her lay beside it, eyes trained on the legs of the chair the whole time while she cries pitifully. If I move it, up/down, side to side, it doesn’t matter she jumps up and resumes her chair attack. Biting the legs, howling and just generally freaking the shit out.
It’s effing hilarious!
After a few minutes of Smokey trying to save me from the chair, Micah sat back in it so I could curl up on the couch clutching my sides and prying to God I don’t piss myself laughing, and that’s when Parker took this very dark video. Please, PLEASE, turn the volume down on your speakers before you press play, and keep in mind that all that noise is Smokey, just one sixty pound dog.
Not the point of this post at all, but who cares because Sammi Serious amused me.
How do I take a Squishing your head picture? I know there are a lot of camera happy peeps out there. I want to smoosh heads, On filmdigital? Film, but I don’t want them to look like this:
With flash, there is light behind me and behind him, on auto
Without flash, Same lighting as before, again on auto and zoomed in a bit
This time I slapped it onto Macro in hopes of making my fingers not so blurry, Instead I turned them into Ghosts. Until Now, I had no idea I was dead.
